


A Mage Unlike Any Other

by Dgcakes (ficsnfun)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blind Character, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-02 07:46:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4052047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ficsnfun/pseuds/Dgcakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(AU) When Aeyin Hawke’s magic manifested, it gave him the ability to Perceive the world around him differently and to see magic in its truest form, but it robbed him of his natural vision. His survival relies on how well he can hide this fact from those he needs to, because being a blind mage in Thedas may as well be a death sentence to most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fight or Blight

“Keep up, Brother,” Carver called from ahead on the path, acting as lookout for more darkspawn.

“Aren’t you the one who complained you’ve been running since Ostagar? Get winded already.” Aeyin Hawke gave his brother a warm smile, running after his family along the road away from Lothering.

As he ran, the man moved his staff against the ground, tapping it in time with certain footfalls. The magic that radiated out merely served to help him know the terrain in the area so it was safe to run, but his pace was still not as quick or unimpeded as that of the twins or his mother. His legs were long and should allow for quick and solid strides, but this was unfamiliar ground and he had to keep checking it to be sure it was clear of danger. If he tripped up and fell, he could be caught by the Darkspawn.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take your arm?” Bethany called, from where she ran with their mother, “Mother will be fine with Carver.” There was concern in her voice and he was sure her brows were probably knit the way they always did when she was worried about him.

Aeyin shook his head, taking a more daring couple of strides forward to catch up to them, thanking Andraste internally that he hadn’t chanced it the one time there might be rocks in his way. “Bethy, I’m fine. Besides, we need Carver to be free in case we get atta-” just as he was about to speak the word, he spotted a bit more than just the dark outlines of rocks on the near horizon. There was that sickly splotchy ooze of a color in strange body shapes that told him of an impending wave. “CARVER! We’ve got a group heading our way!”

“I see them, Brother!” his tone was annoyed, but Hawke was rather sure it was more with the darkspawn than with him, in this case.

The dark outline he knew to be his mother ducked back some, while the one he recognized as Bethany’s arms and hands began to glow, as did the the staff in her grasp. He could follow the trail of her spells through the dark, trace the outlines and the look of blight in the darkspawn enough to find where Carver was to back him up. He should be easier to pick out, as the one non-blighted shape in the cluster, but between the rocks and terrain, it was hard to make him out.

“Are you going to be able to fight like this, Brother?” at least he could pick Carver’s voice out of the cacophony of darkspawn surrounding them. “You won’t be able to see if you tire yourself out.”

“I’m sticking with physical combat for a reason.” Aeyin commented as he stabbed another darkspawn with his staffblade and punched it away from him. At the very least, he could see exactly where their weapons were at all times to avoid them. Carver was really the force he had to watch out for the most. But by now, his brother knew how to fight alongside him, whether or not he liked it.

They had to do a lot of move-while-fighting at this point, but at least Hawke could trust that Bethany was keeping their mother safe. He just had to stay near Carver or keep an eye on where the darkspawn were and he’d be fine. Up ahead, however, he heard raised voices and saw more fighting going on. Other survivors? There was just one problem Aeyin noticed as the spawn were clearing up - he could hear two voices but only see one figure, and Aeyin knew what it meant when someone was there but he couldn’t ‘see’ them.

“Shit, Bethy, we’ve got a templar.” he had dropped back to whisper it to her, putting a hand on her arm protectively. “He’s up ahead with someone else. I don’t know if he’ll be willing to parlay or not. Stay back if you can, I don’t want you getting hurt.”

His sister chuckled softly, maybe putting on a brave face for this, he couldn’t tell, “Shouldn’t I be the one telling you that? Come on. We still have more darkspawn to get through.”

Aeyin nodded, jumping back into the fray. He had to reserve his magic for being able to Perceive the area, lest he be left only able to see the bursts of magic or blight in the area, or only relying on his hearing. That was a dangerous position to be left in, especially with so many enemies around. It was comforting, however, that he could hear the sounds from the other fighter that had been with the Templar, and he was relieved to hear she (it sounded like a woman, anyway) sounded like another proper warrior. Good to know. Maybe another soldier?

The way he had to fight left Aeyin at the front of the group when the darkspawn were dead and the Templar began babbling about apostates and what ‘the Order dictates’, even as the fighter (his wife maybe? she called him ‘dear’) tried to calm him. Aeyin moved to step between him and Bethany, able to follow the sounds of his movements (armor was so clunky!) in such close proximity, even if he couldn’t see the man in his usual way.

On actually being physically close to this Templar, however, Hawke was distracted by noticing a large splotch of the darkspawn taint in what was otherwise empty space in his vision. There was the shape of the woman beside the Templar and there were the shapes of the rocks on either side of them, of brush on the path, but there was nothing where the Templar stood - that was the normal problem when perceiving Templars, it couldn’t be done with his magic - except that large spot of taint. It was actually a bit worrying, but Aeyin didn’t actually know what to make of it. The man had been injured in the fight just before the Hawke family had made it to them, so that was likely the source, but still, it didn’t bode well. At least he backed off a bit after that, which was good, Aeyin didn’t want to have to fight some injured guy even if he so would if it meant defending his family.

“I am Aveline Vallen, and this is my husband, Ser Wesley. We can hate each other when we’re safe from the horde.” Aeyin had already decided he liked this woman, she had a nice voice and good sense.

From what he could make out of Aveline’s build, now able to concentrate enough to Perceive her outline properly, he could tell she was a well built sort of person, taller and broader than his mother and Bethany, but still a bit shorter than her husband and Carver, but only by an inch at most in the latter case. She’d definitely be helpful in a fight. With her husband injured, however, that meant they’d need to keep him closer to Mother and Bethany during the fight, he still couldn’t chance relying on them. Hell, Aeyin was pretty sure that he needed to be more careful now than before - Ser Wesley might be willing to be talked down from dealing with him and Bethany for now, but would he and Aveline truly be able to overlook that not only were they travelling with apostates, but one of them was essentially blind?

At this point, Aeyin really didn’t care about WHY these two were here, even if Templars had left Lothering already and this wasn’t exactly ‘mage hunting’ turf. Instead, he just shot a concerned look in Wesley’s direction, “Are you alright though? You aren’t looking so well.” Behind him, Carver tried not to snicker, he could hear the noise of a caught snort. Carver knew a Templar to him was just a blank space, so he wouldn’t know what Wesley was looking like. But that creeping spot of taint he could definitely see looked bad, and the injury was probably as ugly, from what he’d been told.

“I’ll be fine.” Wesley assured him, and his wife seemed inclined to agree. Aeyin really wasn’t enough of an expert to be able to tell him that, but he also felt guilty as hell not mentioning it in favor of his cover if it was something bad.

These two were who had to inform them that the way they were headed was already cut off, leaving the only option being the Korcari Wilds. There was a great deal of complaining about it, but Aeyin was too busy trying to take a moment to ‘rest’ and regain whatever energy he could. it would be hard to explain to their companions why a seemingly able-bodied man was just stumbling all over the place if he lost his ability to Perceive the ground before him. If he suddenly had to cast, suddenly had to do anything, he needed whatever strength or magic was available. He only spoke when the indecision and complaining were starting to become too much.

“If it’s between the Wilds and certain death, I’ll take my chances with the Wilds, come on.” Hawke strode forward, his sister moving after him.

When they were a little ways along, between bouts of taking out Darkspawn, Bethany quietly took his arm, leaning close to whisper to him, just seeming like a shy young woman hiding with her elder brother, but in reality, she was helping him. “Aveline has red hair, and her nose and cheeks are covered with freckles like yours are, but her skin is much paler. Wesley has black hair, its straighter and neater cut than Carver’s, and it’s a little peaky. He’s looking all pale and clammy.” the little rundown of the two was helpful, just a bit of insight to help him deal with new people. She was generally very good at that sort of thing, she’d been doing it her whole life.

“You know you don’t have to tell me these things. Especially not right now. Don’t worry about me.” he smiled warmly to her, patting her hand appreciatively. It meant a lot that she took the time for that, even in such a serious situation. Bethany would be invaluable to have along in Kirkwall, where he wouldn’t be able to Perceive as much - crowds were hard to deal with, and with an abundance of Templars, he’d be doubly off balance. Carver really wasn’t the sort who wanted to be held down trying to keep a watch on his brother.

Aeyin was more terrified of this than he was letting on - or hopefully was letting on. He kept close to the group, standing near to one of the twins at all times when he could manage it. But as they travelled, through each group of darkspawn they faced, his attention kept coming around to Wesley. It was eating at him, not letting them know how dangerous things seemed, so in a careful moment after a fight, he pulled Aveline aside quickly.

“What is it?” she asked, and he couldn’t see it, the outline of her head not really doing much to show him her facial features, but she seemed like she was frowning, “Is everything alright?”

“I - not really.” he glanced furtively in Wesley’s direction before lowering his voice, “For safety, I can’t tell you how I know this, but that injury’s worse than he’s letting on. I don’t know much about darkspawn or how the taint works, but I can tell you that there’s something eating away at him beyond the surface, the same sort of thing that makes up darkspawn. He may not make it far.”

Aveline reached forward, grasping the front of Aeyin’s shirt and she yanked the mage down closer to her face, he could feel the intensity of her gaze, “How dare you, are you implying we should-”

“No. Of course not, I’m just warning you so you know something is wrong. He’s your husband, you deserve to be aware if something’s that wrong. And I really don’t know that much about it, it could be nothing. But it doesn’t seem right.” Aeyin hissed and he tried very hard to look at approximately where her eyes should be, some attempt to meet the woman’s gaze.

Her grip on his shirt was tight, her fists were tensed and he vaguely wondered if she was going to flat out deck him. But then Aveline just let him go, stepping back, “Thank you for telling me. I’ll keep a closer watch on him then.”

They didn’t have long to ruminate on that discussion, though he could see Aveline’s silhouette draw closer to the floating infection where her husband likely was. The group barely had a moment or two before a new wave of darkspawn attacked. It was bloody relentless and Aeyin was running low on energy, his concentration dragged everywhere. He wasn’t sure if he could risk staying back with Bethany and his mother, actually casting in this fight. There were more unfamiliar targets to accidentally hit. He still felt it was a bad idea standing so close to Carver, slashing at enemies that tried to flank his brother.

When the sudden mass of blight charged past him, Hawke wished he had been standing back with his sister and mother. The beast’s shape blocked him from seeing who the figure it lifted and smashed onto the ground was, stopped him from seeing who it was, and there were too many sounds right now for him to pick out whose voice it was calling whose name. He had to concentrate on the fight, on dealing with the ogre now before it got more of them, but the lack of knowledge was killing him.

It wasn’t till after that he heard his mother’s soft sobs, begging Bethany to wake up and Aeyin’s heart dropped. The darkness around him went from being mildly outlined with shapes to being all-encompassing, completely blank. He saw nothing. Well, that wasn’t true. He saw that glowing splotch of taint that was where Wesley was standing, but that wasn’t a matter of choice. He stumbled closer to where he could hear his mother’s voice coming from, falling to his knees nearby. Bethany was dead? He heard Aveline’s voice pronouncing it as such, even.

They’d have to get moving again, and knowing his mother when she was upset, he knew he had to be the one to speak. If Carver bumbled into saying the wrong thing, she’d snap at him so much worse than she would at Aeyin, and he didn’t need that, he never did. “Bethany died to save us, we can’t let that go to waste.”

“I don’t want a hero, I want my daughter. How could you let her charge off like that?” Leandra snapped and it hurt that hers was one of the few faces he remembered - could he picture it contorted with rage and grief, however? Aeyin really didn’t want to try. “Oh my poor little girl, my sweetheart.”

“If we stand here weeping, the darkspawn will take the rest of us too.” there was Carver, at least he could hear where the boy was standing, couldn’t see some splotch of taint in that area, Carver was still safe. But that comment definitely would have gotten a worse snap from his mother before Aeyin had spoken.

Ser Wesley’s voice came soft and comforting, offering to say a prayer for Bethany. He definitely seemed the good sort of Templar - after all, he was bothering to treat a girl who had just died as a person not just an apostate. Aeyin stepped away a little, closing his eyes - not that it mattered much if they were opened or closed at this point, but the habit and appearances were important. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to will his feelings back in order. He was of no use to them if he couldn’t even Perceive where he was. He was of no use to them if he couldn’t cast in some form or another. And they needed him to be useful right then.

There were more groups of darkspawn approaching and Aeyin Hawke was on the offensive. He’d take down as many as he could for what they’d done to Bethany. His Perception was going in and out, but he could at least cast close-range, hitting any darkspawn that got close to him with fire and anything else he could conjure up. He was usually a force mage, but when things were desperate, that’s when the fire came out. Bethany wouldn’t be able to cast for them anymore - he wouldn’t see that familiar warm glow of the fire that lit up the entire outline of her arms and hands as she used her spells. They’d robbed him of his baby sister, one of the few people he had in the world, and he would make them pay.

It didn’t feel like it could be enough, they didn’t have the numbers or the power to take on the darkspawn. That’s when the sky had lit up with a magic so ancient and powerful it was brighter and greater than the sun. The outline may have been a dragon and then a woman, but that was a being of magic to be respected and feared. Okay and maybe joked to - he wanted to turn into a dragon dammit! It was one of the first things that made Aeyin start to feel better after losing Bethany, the pain still so fresh.

Flemeth’s voice was as fascinating as her magical nature and he knew, rather quickly, that she could see just how little - or how much - he could see of her. The amulet she gave him had that same kind of magic to it, it almost made him wary. But he needed to make that deal - it had to get them to Kirkwall, to some level of safety. If not safety for him, at least for his family and for these people that’d helped them.

As she had left them to travel by ship to Kirkwall, Flemeth whispered one last thing to Hawke, something she was careful to not let the others hear.

“There will come a time, child, where you won’t need to hide. But for now, you know the price of letting people know what you are. What it will cost your family if the wrong people find out at the wrong times.”

And boy did he. Kirkwall was the most dangerous place he could be walking into, in this state, but he was going to have to learn every possible way to survive it. Hawke just didn’t know how he was going to manage it alone. Carver would never survive shackled to him forever, and Mother was growing too old to trail after him. He’d have to make it through this on his own. Kirkwall would have to believe that Aeyin Hawke could see, for all of their sakes.


	2. The Trouble with Brothers

“Maker, I’m sounding like Gamlen! - Gamlen…he’s got a head for this garbage. Maybe he could talk to Bartrand? He knows some people. After last week, we need all the coin and influence we can get.” Carver’s voice was almost hopeful, despite the fact he was suggesting relying on one of the most unreliable people he’d ever met. But as he knew well, beggars could not be choosers, and anything felt like it would be better than staying on Gamlen’s floor for the rest of their lives, just waiting to be dragged off to the Gallows. Something had to change. Bartrand Tethras’ Deep Roads Expedition could be just the thing to make that change - if the dwarf weren’t a stubborn ass or they could get some help.

It was easy to feel trapped in this current situation. They’d lost so damn much in the Blight. Their father was long gone, at least, but they had also lost their home, their town, their friends, even his twin was lost to the darkspawn. Aveline had lost her husband and the brothers had lost their freedom - in more ways than one. Now they were refugees living on the ‘generosity’ of a miserable drunk who couldn’t be trusted to not read their mail, let alone with keeping Aeyin’s secret, and their mother wasn’t really the sort who could be up and about or useful in a fight. This left Carver as the only one who could really be tasked with ‘assisting’ his elder sibling in his day-to-day task of having to navigate Kirkwall without anyone finding out he was blind. Before, that had always been more of Bethany’s task, leaving Carver free to do as he chose, but now, he was even more chained to Aeyin than he had been ever before.

It was hard, being constantly around someone you were expected to help, while watching them easily outshine you. Carver resented his loss of freedom, but he resented his own feelings on the matter more. His brother was a good person, and a good sibling - Aeyin had always worked had to make sure Carver was given attention and affection he might have missed out on being the only non-mage sibling of the three, always tried to put the twins first. Carver knew that being chained to his brother was not something Aeyin wanted for him any more than he wanted it for himself, knew Aeyin didn’t want to be the person potentially drawing ire of the Templars down on their heads, didn’t want to be the one people remembered most by outsiders even. But knowing those things didn’t make it any easier to be trapped in this life, or to not snap in moments of frustration.

His hopeful suggestion of Gamlen being able to get them some help had come right on the heels of having made annoyed allusions to Templars being after his brother, calling them ‘his Templars’, and the suggestion was intended slightly as a peace offering. Carver knew he was being a dick to his brother, that he was starting to sound like his Uncle when he said things like that, but once more, knowing about it and actually being able to hold himself back were two different matters.

At long last, Aeyin spoke up. He’d obviously been considering Carver’s suggestion, even as Carver brooded over his own guilt and situation. “You attract more flies with honey, but Gamlen’s bullshit might work too.” just like that, all with an easy smile and reaching out to ruffle Carver’s hair just a bit. Casual, friendly, his moods forgiven so easily. It disgusted the warrior how much is stomach twisted when his brother acted like that - he’d much rather Aeyin be selfish, be angry, be something so long as he didn’t just forgive him and be so understanding of his feelings. It made having the resentful feelings that much more sickening.

“What else can we do? We’re losing ground and I don’t fancy waking up in the Gallows.” his fists tightened at his side instinctively. He just felt so damn helpless.

“We’ll get in on this trip, one way or another.” his elder brother spoke up again, this time a comforting pat to his shoulder given before the hand was withdrawn.

Sometimes Carver forgot that was the only way Aeyin knew anything about what he looked like - that his outline in the darkness could only tell him so much, that his brother knew Bethany’s face better than his own but that was never going to change because they were never really going to be that close. He’d allow for stupid hair ruffles and a pat on his shoulder, but that was about as affectionate as he and his brother really got.

“You really don’t want to go, do you?” Carver shot his brother a sidelong glance, eyes narrowed, even if he knew that glance meant nothing to Aeyin, the concern in it like a secret, his suspicious tone the only part that’d ever be known between them. “Do the Deep Roads scare you so much, brother? I thought you could see Darkspawn just fine.”

A small snicker left Aeyin, and the way his eyes sparkled, it almost made Carver question how they didn’t work, “Oh don’t worry, it’s not the Darkspawn I’m scared of. It’d be anyone we went along with.” his brows bounced with a mischievous look, and his gaze didn’t quite meet Carver’s, though not for lack of trying, “People are known to be temperamental when they suddenly stumble on inconvenient information at bad times.”

Carver snorted, rolling his eyes and striding ahead, his brother walking along after him. They were only slightly used to Hightown, so Carver tended to take the lead since Aeyin didn’t trust himself to have his staff out for guidance here - too risky. His weird magic that allowed him to be aware of his surroundings only worked so far, and was always going to be weaker in unfamiliar locations filled with strange people. This meant Carver had to be the one keeping an eye out for that sort of thing, but generally he had no idea what was or wasn’t good to point out, and his own attention span wasn’t exactly the best.

It was Aeyin’s noise of surprise that alerted him first, right before the thief pushed him aside rushing off with the only coin they had. Carver stumbled but gave chase, temporarily forgetting his brother trying to keep up behind him. Up ahead, the thief was suddenly stopped short, an arrow hitting him just above the shoulder, pinning his clothes, right before a beardless dwarf with a crossbow walked up to the thief. He said something that sounded like it was meant to be witty right before throwing the most pathetic punch at the thief and shooing him off. Carver stopped short, watching the strange dwarf with complete suspicion, vaguely thinking that that whole scene was definitely staged.

Aeyin pulled up next to him just as the dwarf turned to approach them, spinning the arrow he’d shot at the thief in his one hand, and tossing the coinpurse up and down in the other. That was definitely bloody staged. His brother immediately stepped forward to greet this dwarf, catching the tossed purse with way more ease than anyone who could only partly make out outlines should. Carver wasn’t sure if it was because his brother was just so trusting, or really just playing along with the dwarf’s game for politeness, but he desperately want to say ‘so how much did you pay that guy?’

“How do you do? Varric Tethras, at your service.” the dwarf’s easy-going smile would likely be lost on Aeyin, but Carver could already pick out the way his brother’s eyes were taking in the build and figure of the dwarf, how he moved his head just slightly to hear his tone better. “I apologize for Bartrand. He wouldn’t know an opportunity if it hit him square in the jaw.”

“But you would?” Aeyin’s eyes shot to Carver briefly and he was clearly trying not to smirk. Whether it was because this ‘Varric Tethras’ had just punched someone in the jaw a moment before or just because he seemed to like this guy already, it wasn’t really clear. His brother had weird taste in people.

“I would.” he definitely seemed to be playing friendly, that was for sure. “What my brother doesn’t realize is we need someone like you. He would never admit it either, he’s too proud. I however, am quite practical.”

Riiiiiight. Carver wanted to jump in with ‘yup, you definitely need the blind apostate on your trip into the damn deep roads.’ But that was cruel, first of all, and also would rather defeat the entire purpose of keeping his brother’s secret. This could be a chance to get in on that expedition without getting Gamlen’s dubious help or another year of unquestioning service.

With another glance Carver’s way, Aeyin ran a hand across his bandana covered head and seemed to be contemplating the entire business. “What makes you so certain we can help? You know nothing about us.” Really.

Varric gestured a bit as he spoke, “Oh on the contrary. You’ve made quite the name for yourself over the last year. The Coterie has been squeezing smugglers out left and right, and the only group to survive owes it all to you two. The name ‘Hawke’ is on many lips these days.” He did a lot of walking around and gesturing as he spoke, which Aeyin seemed to be concentrating hard on tracking, even when the dwarf stopped to face them again. “Not bad for a Ferelden fresh off the boat.”

He may not have seen the smile on Varric’s features, but the elder Hawke still seemed to get the tone of the conversation and gave a warm smile in response, “You must’ve heard of my brother as well then.” he gestured a little at Carver.

“A little, but it is you they speak most of, Messere.” Varric barely gave Carver a glance at that comment, his full focus on Aeyin.

Carver snorted, “That figures.” Even being as he was, his elder sibling got the most attention and recognition for doing things - being one of the few free apostates in the city did come with that advantage.

Varric, at least, was quick to add for politeness, “Your brother is certainly welcome to join us, by all means. But I’ll leave that in your hands.”

“Oh I’m going.” As if they could really keep Carver from this - they’d need someone who actually knew how to deal with Aeyin’s difficulties along. Besides, he wouldn’t let his brother rush off with all the glory. “Without this expedition, we won’t last out the year.”

With practiced ease, the elder Hawke slid his gaze back over to Varric, tilting his chin up a bit so he looked almost suspicious, hiding how his eyes couldn’t quite meet the dwarf’s anyway. “So we’re broke and desperate, you know why we need to go on this expedition. Why would a ‘practical’ sort like yourself be along on this venture? Family affair?” Aeyin’s teasing grin was the most genuine part of that whole look.

“The deep roads wouldn’t normally be my thing, but I can’t let the head of our family go down there alone. So as you might imagine, I have more than a passing interest in this expedition’s success.” Varric gestured as he spoke once more. Since his hands were right in front of him, Aeyin probably couldn’t even see it, but Carver watched anyway, for extra hints of things.

His brother snorted, “Yeah, sounds about right. That’s half of why Carver has to go - that and he’s a stubborn little shit who doesn’t want to be left home twirling his pike.” Aeyin shot Carver a fond glance - well, he assumed it was fond, anyway. “You’re going awfully far out of your way just to hire another guard.”

Here was where the real kicker came out. “We don’t need another hireling - We need a partner.” Varric almost looked honest in this bit, but that was probably well practiced. “The truth is, Bartrand’s been tearing his beard out trying to fund this venture but he can’t do it. Invest in the expedition - 50 sovereigns and he can’t refuse! Not with me there to vouch for you.”

Aeyin managed to look good natured about the whole business - a damn bit less sour than Carver did, or felt, anyway. “Sounds interesting, but if I had any gold, I proooooobably wouldn’t need this job.” He shifted his weight a bit, apparently still considering. “Probably. Unless Uncle drank it all away again.”

Carver vaguely wondered if Varric was a salesman - well, this was dwarven merchant’s guild territory, he probably was. But he could already see the dwarf lining up a proper pitch. And knowing his brother, it would probably work. Not that they really had any other options anyway.

“You need to think big. There’s only a brief window after a blight when the Deep Roads won’t be crawling with darkspawn. The treasure you could find down there could set you and your family up for life.”

Okay, Carver hadn’t expect the pitch to work as well on him but daaaamn. “Come on, the dwarf makes some sense - no offense.” he added the last part quickly, but almost regretted it seeing the smirk Aeyin gave at the unintended rhyme. Ass. “Look, you started this, and it’s a good idea. Certainly better than ending up in the Gallows.”

With the younger Hawke brother backing him up, Varric seemed to have things almost totally in the bag, “We work together, you and I, and before you know it, you’ll have all the capital you need. What do you say?” he knew how to make his tone sound like bloody honey, seriously.

Aeyin glanced between Carver and Varric, probably more for show, before laughing, “Oh you two. Fine. Why not. It’s not like I had anything better planned anyway.”

It wasn’t clear if it was relief or what in Varric’s voice as he said “Perfect.” but in another moment, the careful tone was back in place. “Kirkwall’s crawling with work. You set aside some money from every job and you’ll have the money in no time.”

This dwarf managed to find the weirdest ways to make a molehill out of a mountain, “Sure, easy.” Carver groused, doing his best to try to think of jobs anyway. All of the sudden, an idea hit him. “But…maybe Aveline has some bounties out. She joined the City Guard, right?”

Varric leaned forward, lowering his voice to address Aeyin, but Carver could hear him anyway. “We should talk privately when we get the chance, in the Hanged Man maybe. I keep a room there.” his polite smile returned, though how much he realized it was wasted on anyone but Carver himself, the human wasn’t sure. “Now, let’s see what kind of trouble we can stir up.”

“Pretty sure trouble is about the only I’m good at most days.” Aeyin joked, “We’ll check in on what jobs we can snag then maybe try to find that tavern you mentioned a little later. Its in Lowtown, right?”

Carver cut in an answer before Varric could, “Pretty sure that’s the one Gamlen frequents.”

Aeyin turned, raising a brow at him, “Carver, Gamlen frequents most of the taverns in Kirkwall on any given day. You’re going to have to be more specific.”

“I have a feeling I’ve probably see him before.” Varric snickered, “Or heard him. He sounds like the loud and chatty type.”

Really, Carver should have been more suspicious of the dwarf from the getgo. Or something. There were odd ways he glanced at Aeyin as the three of them walked - the elder Hawke in the lead because it was much harder to justify him following Carver around with company along. He probably should have suspected someone who could talk that smoothly could probably talk a good deal more out of them.

They met in the Hanged Man for drinks that night, and Carver had been moody enough to have a few. Toting after his brother and Varric - who seemed to quickly be becoming Aeyin’s favorite person - was just exhausting. Carver had settled in to let them discuss matters and was just having his fill of the cheap, rat-flavored whiskey the Hanged Man offered. It tasted like ass but as long as it got him drunk, Carver was fine with it.

“Don’t drink more than I can lie about, Carver.” Aeyin’s voice and the ruffle of his hair distracted the young man from his third or fourth drink.

“All done with the important business? Finally time to let the kids join in?” Carver’s filter on his more nasty statements to his brother was weak enough when sober, the drinks really didn’t help that matter. But that’s what Aeyin’s bloody divine levels of patience and forgiveness were for, weren’t they? Prick.

Varric joined the elder Hawke at his side, “Just boring details discussions, nothing you’d be that interested in, Junior. Trust me. But tell you what, I’ll make it up to you. How’s about the three of us play some Wicked Grace?”

This brought a nervous chuckle to Aeyin’s lips, “I dunno, Varric, I thought you wanted me saving money for the expedition, not losing it to my bad card playing.”

“Tell you what, we’ll play tonight with no bets needed. Just a friendly game. It should be good. There’s no way to get to know someone quite like seeing how good - or bad - they are at cards.”

The glint in the dwarf’s eye, the way he glanced to Aeyin as he said this, it all sent a weird jolt through Carver’s mind that his brain was too fuzzy to properly process. Really, Wicked Grace sounded like a damn brilliant idea. Watching his brother not be good at something would be a great change of pace.

“I think it sounds bloody brilliant. Come on, Brother, why not?” Carver finished his drink with a swig and elbowed Aeyin in the stomach.

His brother sighed heavily, and he wasn’t sure if he properly heard a mutter of, “Carver, you need to stop drinking your brains away.” he did hear the heavy sigh, however, that preceded Aeyin’s defeated response, “Yeah sure, let’s play cards. Why not.”

Somewhere in the middle of the game, Carver became quite glad they weren’t playing for money, because he was losing - badly. Aeyin wasn’t doing much better, really only being tolerable because he tended to take easy outs and not bother bluffing his way through hands. It was a bit frustrating since Carver had wanted to actually feel good about his own capabilities for a few minutes, but of course, the Maker couldn’t allow that.

It was that frustration that helped blind his better senses when the last hand came. That and the fact Varric had been generous enough to order them all a round of drinks. The dwarf was dealing and somewhere in the middle, he dealt one of Aeyin’s cards face up. Carver had spotted it and snorted into his drink. What a crap card, his brother was going to have such a shit hand this game.

“Carver, if its that funny, feel free to share.” his brother had picked up his cards, arranging them in his hand with an almost believable sense of purpose. If it weren’t for the very clearly backwards one that he was doing nothing about, it’d have been a pretty believable effort.

Varric’s sly grin grew, “He’s laughing because I played one of your cards face up instead of down.” his tone was as smooth and smug as it should be and it was right then that it hit Carver why it was a very bad thing that he hadn’t corrected his brother’s mistake or said anything about it.

Carver felt the warm buzz of the alcohol sinking away, the pit dropping from his stomach as he gaped in horror at Aeyin. In his smug, bratty attempt at one-upping his elder brother, he could have just cost them a lot more than just their chance at the expedition. The one task he had, the one thing he could do that his brother couldn’t, and he’d botched it for the sake of his own pride. The withering glance Aeyin had pointed right his way definitely didn’t make things easier.

Still his brother sighed and reached out to ruffle Carver’s hair, gaze turning once more to Varric, “Was wondering when you’d try something like that, Varric.” he grinned over at the dwarf, tossing his cards on the table, “Pretty sure that would have been a shit hand anyway.” They looked like decent cards, but the meaning was clear - most of his hands were ‘shit hands’ because it was easier to bluff he had a bad hand and have it be good than bluff he had a good hand and have it turn out to be senseless. “How long did you suspect?”

Varric took a sip of his drink and nodded, “I’ve heard plenty of rumors about you, even a few that added up to odd things. It was worth testing either way, but I knew pretty early on. You don’t tell half as many lies as I do without being able to catch onto some.”

“You were way too eager to get a game of cards going as well.” Aeyin agreed, but he was grinning anyway. “I trust that since you aren’t shouting me out and calling us bastards now that you have confirmation, you don’t have any issues with partnering with a blind mage for the Deep Roads expedition?”

A soft chuckle left the dwarf - it was amazing how in good humor these two were. “You’re half right. Just any blind mage? That might be questionable. But you’ve managed to last a year here without too many people suspecting, and those who did suspect, tended to be looking in entirely the wrong ways. If I didn’t already have my suspicions, I don’t even think I’d have realized it either. Bartrand certainly won’t have. And anyone who can not only survive in that state, but hide it as well as you have, has to be of some value in a lot of situations.”

Aeyin returned the grin, probably able to hear it in Varric’s tone at this point, “You certainly do know how to play a good game of cards. Now that I think you’ve gotten your answer, I think I’d best get this idiot home before he tries to drown himself in his mug.” he stood, reaching out and taking Carver’s arm and dragging him up from the table. “Thanks for the drinks, Varric. I’ll come by around again tomorrow, maybe, and we’ll see about that thing we discussed earlier.”

Carver was still a bit in a daze, following after Aeyin with his head hung and trying not to curse himself out too much. The cool night air did nothing for his mood. He wanted to apologize, have an argument, something to relieve this weight of guilt on his chest. He’d almost cost them everything. It was once again only due to his brother’s skills that they were out of this mess.

“Look on the bright side, Carver. Now we have someone else who knows and you don’t have to go everywhere with me.” Aeyin suggested with a smile, stopping to pull Carver into a half hug. “Anyway, don’t let yourself get all mopey. Mother’s going to be annoyed enough that you were drinking, we don’t need you two arguing and somehow spilling the beans to Gamlen or half of Kirkwall will know. Just take it easy.”

Carver shoved his hands into his pockets. Always so easy-going with these things. “She’s going to have my head for drinking when I’m supposed to be keeping an eye out for you. And I couldn’t even do that…”

“Oh shut up. You know I don’t expect that of you. Just don’t talk to Mother when we get in and if she asks anything, I’ll tell her you were keeping me company at the tavern and that’s why you smell of it. It’s going to be alright, Carver. Just you wait. Remember what I promised you?”

How could he forget? “Soon as the expedition’s over, if we make enough, you’ll stay at home and I can have whatever money I like to go make my fortune elsewhere.” he repeated the words verbatim, even with his head fuzzy he remembered them clear. His brother promising him a life, the chance to make his own, even if he’d rather find a way to do it himself. But that’s all Aeyin knew how to do, wasn’t it? “Come on, let’s just get in. I’m tired.”

“Sounds good to me.”


	3. Sin on Sundermount

“So a day trip to Sundermount? How do you manage to just acquire so many different things you needed to do in the mountains?” Varric was leaning against the table in his suite, watching Aeyin’s work checking their packs for the trip.

It was good to have help with a task like this that wasn’t as begrudging as Carver’s generally was. Running the risk of running out of something important because someone felt like being a tit was not something Aeyin really felt like dealing with while traipsing around Sundermount - or anywhere really, but especially there.

“Well, some of it was just convenience. Either you’re gonna get jobs that are in Kirkwall itself, or you’re gonna get jobs that are around Kirkwall and we aren’t exactly picturesque when it comes to surrounding scenery from what I’m told.” he carefully placed the last item into the pack, moving to take a seat at the table near Varric, letting his legs stretch out in the other direction and smiling lazily at his friend.

The dwarf shook his head, the motion only barely registering to Aeyin’s perception, but it wasn’t necessary either, “I must be crazy, letting you navigate us around the mountains.” He reached out and gave Aeyin a playful smack on the arm. “Does your guard friend know, by the way? You said she likes to keep tabs on you.”

It was Aeyin’s turn to shake his head, “Nah. Aveline’s more concerned making sure Carver and I aren’t breaking the law or getting mugged randomly than keeping up on minor rumors about some stuff. And it wasn’t really advisable to tell her when we first met, Blight and all.”

Idly, he ran his hand over the piles of job listings they’d taken, letting his fingers trace across the differently textured cords they’d used to tie each pile, sorting them based on location. That’d been a brilliant move on Varric’s part, a way for him to quickly find different papers and differentiate their groups. Really, having someone as creative as the dwarf to work with was amazing. Still, the system might take a little to get used to. His brows knit as he couldn’t find the yarn pile and looked again, running his hand across each pile again.

“Something wrong, Hawke?” Varric asked, noting the look and how he was searching for something in the piles.

“Yeah, didn’t we use yarn for the local jobs?”

The dwarf looked across the table and spotted the pile under his own hand. “We did indeed.” he lifted the pile to wave it a little in the air so Aeyin could hear the noise, “What were you looking for, I’ll check out the job.”

Aeyin grinned as soon as he heard the sound. “I was just trying to decide if tonight was a good night to hit up that Anso guy and at least see what he wants so we can decide if we want to take the job or not while we’re away tomorrow.” he gestured vaguely, “I heard the guy is set up really near to the Hanged Man and it seemed like a waste to not go talk to him.”

“Not like we’re going to get a lot of chances to look into it without your brother breathing down our necks about it.” Varric rolled his eyes - or at least seemed to be. He’d taken to mildly rolling his head a bit when rolling his eyes so Aeyin could pick up the motion of it. “You need some shadier friends, Hawke.”

Standing up once more, the man stretched, “If I thought we could get away with dragging my dog around with us more often, I would.” he shook his head, reaching back to tighten his bandana. “I’ll just have to let you recruit us some good, mildly-trustworthy shady types, Varric.” He was already heading for the doorway, the familiar route down through the Hanged Man becoming memorized carefully.

“As you should. I am an expert on what people are the right kind of shady.” Varric followed along after his friend, watching for the occasional slips where Hawke had to grasp at the wall to figure out where he was. Those moments were becoming less and less, but if the wrong people caught sight of them enough, they were in trouble. “Speaking of which, we’re going to talk to the Grey Warden when we get back from Sundermount, right?”

Aeyin paused a moment, glancing back up the stairs at Varric’s outline and nodded, “If we don’t need a day or two to recover. We’ve got a few other errands to run in Darktown anyway, so I’m waiting till I can get them all over with at once. The less I have to deal with that place, the happier I’ll be.”

Varric raised a brow, tilting his head to the side as he did, “Any particular reason Darktown’s such a problem for you? You don’t seem the type to be scared of the dark.”

The man’s eyes twinkled a bit, catching the joke. “Oh I’m not. It’s more the thugs, and the unsteady building quality, and the smell. Ridiculous to navigate, I’ll have you know.”

Soon enough it was back to business, heading to find this ‘Anso’ Athenril had sent a letter about. He was easy enough to find and almost embarrassingly nervous talking to them. Between Aeyin’s gentle-but-helpful nature and Varric’s easy charm, the pair managed to get the information from him about just what he needed done. Just recovering some ‘cargo’ from a house in the Alienage.

Once they were out of earshot, Aeyin glanced down to Varric with a raised brow. “So did that smell as severely of ‘setup’ to you as it did to me?” he buried his hands in his pockets, gazing over the empty street and mapping the shapes of the buildings in his mind for the hundredth time.

“There was definitely a lot he wasn’t saying, and he was pretty damn nervous.” Varric agreed, “Not every dwarf straight outta Orzamar is a complete ass, but there was definitely more going on that he wasn’t telling us.”

Aeyin gave a soft snort, “I think we can afford to put investigating his missing goods off for a bit. At least till after we get back from Sundermount. And maybe after we’ve gotten those maps. Important work first.”

Sundermount itself was a complete mess. Mercenaries to kill for some Chanter’s Board mission, ambushers to kill for Aveline and herbs to gather for various parties, all before they were going to have to go meet with a Dalish clan as a service to a witch. The sun was just starting to set in the sky when the party neared the camp and stopped for a short rest.

“Really Hawke, I’m glad we started so early.” Aveline removed one of her boots to readjust her leggings and dump some dirt and rocks out. “When I said I could use more work than just out of the way patrols, I didn’t think you’d taken up mountain conquering.”

Carver stretched his back out against some rocks near their little seating area, hoping to crack it, “You weren’t lying when you said you were going to make sure the dog and I got some exercise, were you?” he reached out to rub the hound’s belly, the mabari having flopped down by his feet.

Aeyin, seated on a rock by Varric gave an amused chuckle. “I was hoping if we got all of the jobs out here out of the way quickly, we wouldn’t have to leave the city again for a bit. I’m not a big wilderness sort.”

“Says the farm boy from Lothering.” Carver suggested grumpily. “We grew up close to the Wilds, how can you not be outdoorsy?”

The elder Hawke’s eyes narrowed and he just stared in Carver’s direction slowly. They were in mixed company so his desired retort of ‘because I like being able to see where I’m going’ would be a little too telling. Instead, he settled for a much simpler answer. “Lothering wasn’t that close to the Wilds. There’s a huge difference between trekking around mountains and milking cows, brother.”

This caught Varric’s attention. “Really, Hawke? Cows? You don’t seem the type.” he nudged at his friend’s arm, smacking at one of his biceps. “Though that sort of thing does explain how a mage like you has arms like that.”

“He used to help carry hay bales to different farms and help harvest melons and pumpkins at this one place.” Carver said, with a tone that indicated his mild disgust at the subject. “People had me run errands and muck stalls, but oh no, my brother got the heavy lifting. It wasn’t till I joined the army that anyone actually gave me anything to do.”

Aeyin stretched his long legs and gave a mild smile, “If I remember right, Carver, you were much more concerned about running around with Peaches than helping me fetch pumpkins. And I think most people didn’t want to ask you for help after the incident with the barn cat.”

His younger brother sat up swiftly and was very obviously facing his way now, “You always bring that story up, brother!”

“Only when you deserve it.” Aeyin leaned on his palm and gave a sly smile, “Now that your back is better, ready to move? We should really talk to the Dalish before they decide it’s too damn late in the evening to deal with us.”

Varric stood up next to him, and Aveline began putting her boots back on. “The Dalish don’t generally like humans ever, interrupting them at night would be much more offensive.”

“Better to not put Flemeth off for too long though. Can’t imagine she’s the patient type.” Aeyin carefully pulled the wrapped up amulet from his bag - easily able to be located due to its very clear magic, shining like a beacon - and directed his gaze towards where he’d been told the Dalish camp was. It was nice of them to put up markers and such that he could distinguish the shapes of. Way easier than signs.

When Aveline and Carver had gotten a bit behind them, slightly out of hearing range, Varric stopped Aeyin, “I had a sudden thought.”

“Yeah?” already, the man knew to keep his tone hushed. If he was stopping them while Aveline and Carver were a bit back - and probably distracted by Aveline trying to give Carver career advice - then there was likely something private Varric needed to ask.

“Just curious. Can you actually tell an elf from a human?” that was probably something really important to pick out before walking right into a Dalish camp.

A low chuckle left the mage’s lips. “Not in the slightest, most of the time. If something blocks the shape of the ears, I’m doomed. I have to guess a bit based on proportions, usually. It’s another good reason I dragged along a dwarf and a couple of big burly types, isn’t it? I can pick you guys out of a crowd.”

“What are you two mumbling about?” Carver called, eager to get away from his discussion with Aveline, probably. He strode quickly up to stand at his brother’s side and cross his arms over his chest, nudging Aeyin a bit.

The taller Hawke smirked, reaching down to pat his younger brother’s head, “We were taking bets on which of us will be the first to completely embarrass ourselves when meeting the Dalish with our social ineptitude.”

Varric smirked up at Carver, “My bets were on you, Junior, all the way.” which Aeyin was sure got him a livid stare of some kind from the young man. Carver was way too easy to bait.

“Come on, let’s just get this over with.” the younger man huffed, stomping ahead of them once more.

“Hold, shemlen! Your kind are not welcome among the Dalish.” called one of the camp’s guards towards Carver up ahead and Aeyin internally cursed himself for letting his brother get ahead of them.

He dashed forward, putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder and deftly pulling him back, stepping forward himself. “I apologize for the intrusion. We were sent to deliver something for your Keeper, Marethari.” he held up the wrapped amulet carefully.

A second guard’s shape, beside the first, held a hand out towards her more hostile companion. “Wait, this is the one the Keeper spoke of.”

This seemed to push the first guard from hostile into confused rather quickly, “A shemlen? I’d thought he’d be an elf…”

“Enter the camp. Keeper Marethari has been waiting for you.” the second guard motioned them more towards the camp area, even as the second one put out a hand in front of Aeyin’s chest to stop them a moment.

“Cause trouble and you’ll meet our blades, stranger.”

Aeyin sighed softly as they walked past the elf to enter the camp. “Why do I piss off literally everyone I meet?” he mumbled to Varric softly.

“Maybe you’re just born with that kind of charm?” the dwarf suggested, and the smile in his voice was obvious. He always knew the best things to say to put Aeyin at ease.

They managed to find the Keeper, standing towards the middle of the camp. Just to be sure, he greeted her by checking her name, “Marethari?” At least he had the excuse of not being able to recognize her. Walking up behind someone he knew, like Aveline, and mistakenly being wrong would be way worse.

The elven woman turned to face him, her head moving a little as if she was looking him up and down. Her hair was pulled up into a bun on her head, and that with her thin frame made the ears easier to pick out and follow how her head was moving. It was one of the few cases where he could easily tell someone was an elf - that and them being a Dalish camp helped as well. Still, it seemed to be the right person, so Aeyin forged ahead.

“I was told to bring you this amulet.” he held it forward, unwrapping the cloth he’d had covering the item.

Marethari, for her part, had a soothing grandmotherly sort of voice. “Andaran atish’an, travellers. Indeed, I am Keeper Marethari. Let me look at you.” her head tilted a bit and she looked over Aeyin’s features. “There is truth in your face. A rare thing in a human. Tell me how this burden fell to you, child?”

Being told there was truth in his face when his day-to-day task was a huge lie felt rather wrong, and Aeyin scratched at his beard awkwardly. “This amulet’s owner rescued my family from the Blight. In return, I agreed to bring it to you.”

“I honor you for coming to me, but I’m afraid our part in this is not done yet.” Of course not. When were things ever simple. He could almost hear the irritated looks from Aveline and Carver behind him. Varric was good enough to just sigh quietly. “This amulet must be taken to an altar at the top of the mountain and given a Dalish Rite for the Departed. Then return the amulet to me. Do this and your debt will be repaid.”

Well that certainly sounded like…a lot of bloody walking. And work. Could he even perform a Dalish right for the departed? Hopefully Flemeth wouldn’t have sent him to do a task he wasn’t bloody capable of because that’d be kind of useless to her. “Uhhhh will you be teaching me this Dalish Rite for the Departed?” Because he didn’t really want to screw it up and upset the witch. She’d bloody saved their lives, and upsetting a witch in general was bad business.

“I will send my First with you. She will see to it the ritual is done. And when it is complete, I must ask that you take her with you when you go.”

“If that’s what you want?” Aeyin scratched at his beard again, really wondering just what they were supposed to do with this lady’s First. Was that like an apprentice or something? He kind of didn’t want to waste more time asking questions lest he annoy his friends. They really needed to get on with this and get back to the city before too late.

“It isn’t what I want. But it is what she wants. You will find Merrill waiting for you on the trail just up the mountain. Dareth shiral.” Great. More weirdness. That was really helping.

It was odd but Merrill was actually one of the easiest people for Aeyin to find this whole damn trip. She was holding some strange shard of magic that glowed brightly in unfamiliar colors as they approached her on the path. The girl stood quickly and hid it behind her on their approach, but that didn’t dim the glow for Aeyin - he just didn’t have the desire or energy to ask her about it.

Merrill, for her part, seemed to be a perfectly sweet and polite, who rambled and had about as much idea about how to deal with a human as they had about dealing with the Dalish. They found quickly that ‘First’ and ‘Keeper’ tended to both translate into ‘mage’, but otherwise she’d seemed pretty easy to get along with. Aeyin was rather liking the idea of having another mage around he could see casting and become familiar with. The uneasiness at the rising dead around them and how hostile the other Dalish were being was mostly all ignored in the wake of that excitement.

He should have known it was too good to be true.

They had managed to exit a strange in-mountain graveyard and come out in front of a magical barrier of some kind. Without any real prompting, Merrill had suddenly done something strange and all at once she had gone from glowing with absolutely no magic to glowing a sickening red. The magic she threw against that barrier pulsated, as did the drops of blood she’d thrown against it and he could feel the air around him shift as she pulled from the Fade. He’d been fine ignoring the weird magic of the amulet and the graveyard and all of the corpses, but apparently, sudden blood magic on top of that was enough to make the man want to heave his lunch.

Carver, Aveline, and Varric, for their part, had the sense to NOT say too much about it. They could tell exactly what it was but Aeyin was doing his best to not just pass out. Especially when he started being able to see and feel the kind of ancient and disturbing power radiating from the area the barrier had once blocked. His grip on his staff tightened as he tried to keep himself steady, Perception fading in and out from the shock and effort.

Merrill must’ve noted his distress - or some look he couldn’t tell the others giving her. “Yes, it’s blood magic, but I know what I’m doing.” Because knowing what you’re doing made summoning demons better, right? “The spirit helped us, didn’t it?”

“Please just stop talking, I don’t have the capacity to handle all this right now. Let’s just get the ritual done so we can go home, please.” his voice was almost gasped, trying to keep his breath steady. Being sick all over an Elvhen burial ground was just disrespectful and could do a lot more to make the dead angry.

Varric’s soft voice rose now, probably addressing some concern Merrill seemed to be having, “Hawke’s very…sensitive with magic.” he explained, probably hoping to calm any arguments before they sprang up.

“Are you going to be alright, Hawke?” Aveline’s firm, gloved hand wrapped around his arm and tugged him to lean on her a bit. He couldn’t tell where she was with his Perception blinking out, but Aveline knew how to help support someone who needed help walking. “Do we need to rest for a few?”

He shook his head, but leaned on her just the same, “I’ll be fine. We need to get this done and get back, though.” his voice was breathless and he hated to think how close combat he’d have to be if any fights came up - if he couldn’t see right due to his emotions and the overflow of magic, he wouldn’t be able to cast safely without potentially hurting his friends.

“If you’re sure. But if you need to stop, just let me know.” Aveline was so protective, really. She may not know just how bad off he was or understand what he was seeing, but it was obvious she could tell something was wrong and cared more about helping him through it than getting answers.

They managed to get through a fight with a bunch of undead and deliver the amulet, the Rite actually seeming to summon Flemeth from the amulet - yet more powerful and confusing magic for Aeyin to stare at. At least he was familiar with Flemeth’s color of magic and that tended to overpower anything else in the area.

He hoped he hadn’t sounded completely dazed out of his mind when talking to her - it was always bad to be impolite to the great and powerful - but really, it was taking a lot of effort for Aeyin to remain vertical. She’d said a few things to him, predictions about leaping into an abyss before becoming a dragon and flying off, as just seemed to be her way. The moment she was gone and the rest of the power in the area returned to being ‘visible’ Aeyin collapsed to his knees, and he felt blood dripping down his face from a sudden nosebleed.

“Hawke!” Aveline and Varric had called that out, just as Carver had shouted “Brother!” and he was acutely aware of being pulled against an armored chest.

Someone was rummaging through his pack, and there were voices all around as Aeyin’s head swam with the effort to try and remain conscious. He closed his eyes tight, trying to shut out the magic he sensed all around them, trying to shut out everything. He had to find something to focus on to block all of this out, ground himself in this moment. There were loud, worried voices, all sorts of people around him. He tried to pick a particular voice out of the group.

“Is he very scared of dragons?” Merrill’s unfamiliar little accent piped through the din, though it was unclear who the hell she was addressing.

Carver’s voice came from somewhere near his pack, a derisive snort, “Not as far as I know. Brother likes dragons.”

“I don’t think most people collapse and get nosebleeds out of fear, Daisy.” It sounded like Varric had already picked out a nickname for the elf - which was probably appropriate, since they were going to have to take her back to the city with them and Aeyin wasn’t the sort who’d just abandon someone unfamiliar with the place to that, even a strange blood mage girl at this point.

These musings and his own headache blocked him from hearing the rest of that conversation. He was only brought back to some semblance of normal by Aveline’s voice, whispering soothingly as a waterskin was brought to his lips. “Take it easy, Hawke, I’ve got you.” she said, patting his back soothingly, “We’ll get off this mountain as soon as you can stand a bit better.”

“You could probably carry him, Aveline.” Carver suggested it as a joke, but he was obviously annoyed with all of this. Whether it was with his brother being messed up like this or just how much attention he was suddenly getting, it was unclear.

Aveline made a disgruntled noise near Aeyin’s head - it was probably her chest he was being held against, she was the one in the proper armor anyway. “Carver, just because I could do something doesn’t make it wise. We don’t know if more of those things will attack us while we descend. I won’t run the risk of us being killed just to show off.”

Aeyin drank the water and did his best to get back to himself. The shock of magic was beginning to ebb, though his headache would likely last a while. When he was able to properly make out shapes again, he wiped the blood from his features and pointed to the small slim figure near Varric.

“Please don’t use anymore blood magic on the walk back, just in case it sets me off again. Otherwise, I think I might be okay to walk down? I’m sorry, all.” he sat up, reaching for where his staff had fallen and trying to shake off the dizziness. Maybe getting the staff enchanted so he could see it would be good.

Carver placed the staff in his hand, taking a grip on his arm and pulling his brother to his feet, grip gentle. “We should hurry, brother, or we won’t get back to the city before its really late. We don’t want Merrill’s first introduction to Kirkwall to be the city gangs at night.”

“But they’re just so charming. It’s like a friendly neighborhood greeting.” his sarcasm was at least in tact, as flimsy as it had always been.

As they walked back towards the Dalish camp, Aeyin felt Aveline’s hand at his back most of the way. He could only tell it was her, really, because Varric and Carver were walking with Merrill and he could hear them talking a little ways back. He felt really bad for worrying Aveline so thoroughly, especially since he knew he probably shouldn’t tell her the real reason that had hit him so bad. But at least she wasn’t bothering with too many questions.

“Be careful when you get back, alright, Hawke? I’ll walk you and Carver to your Uncle’s place to make sure you get in alright. I want you to rest tomorrow if you can. We can talk to Captain Jeavon about that ambush we stopped later on, you resting is more important.”

“Thanks Aveline.” he smiled lopsidedly at her, and hoped the woman didn’t Vaguely, he wondered if she wasn’t asking him what this was because she remembered how he’d been able to tell something was wrong with Wesley even before Flemeth had told them. Varric’s explanation of him being ‘sensitive’ to magic and her not having a firm understanding of every detail about being a mage might be enough to keep her from asking questions.

All Aeyin knew for sure, was that he appreciated not having to lie directly to her, especially while the woman was being so kind to him. He really did not like this whole ‘collapsing at the heavy disgusting magic’ thing. He hoped the Grey Warden mage they met would be easier on him than Merrill had been. He really needed friends he could see in a fight.


	4. The Wrong of Tranquility

Getting back from Sundermount had been easier than getting up it, that was for damn sure. The whole trip had been pretty normal - just killing mercs, really - up till they’d gone to the Dalish camp, and it had gone downhill from there very swiftly. Seeing Hawke go from his usual pretty cheerful self to almost bowled over with illness was definitely nerve-wracking. He’d told Varric about being able to see and feel magic, but it hadn’t quite hit the dwarf till that moment just how powerful or dangerous that could be in a place like an elf graveyard surrounded by rising corpses and a blood mage. That sort of thing was great to tell people, not so great to live.

Varric was actually pretty glad that Hawke took Aveline’s rather sternly given advice and took it easy for the next two days. They could get to business all in good time, but recovering from whatever had set him off so badly was worth handling. Still, it left him wondering just what it was that had made things so bad that he’d collapsed like that. He tried to avoid asking about it, however, till the mage was ready to discuss it. This was made much harder by Hawke coming to hang out with him at the Hanged Man to avoid his Uncle’s home while he was recovering.

For his part, Varric just told him stories, little anecdotes about friends he’d had or people he’d met. It seemed to keep Aeyin at least somewhat relaxed and distracted, which kept him out of trouble. It was just after lunch on the second afternoon of this when the conversation about ‘business’ finally sparked back up.

“At least the Grey Warden shouldn’t look too weird to me.” was Aeyin’s first comment on the matter. “I know what Darkspawn taint looks like pretty well by now, so it shouldn’t be that weird.”

“Hopefully he’s not another blood mage.” the dwarf leaned on his hand at the table, watching his friend’s posture. “Its really sad Daisy turned out to be one, she’s great otherwise.” He was trying to waffle around questions that had been held back since their return from Sundermount. A storyteller did like to be accurate, after all, and being a busybody was just part of his charms, or so he told himself..

Aeyin smiled, stretching out his legs under the table, “You can go ahead and ask, Varric. We’re in relative private and I know you’ve been dying to.”

Immediately Varric shifted his posture, turning to face his friend more fully. “Alright, so, Hawke. When we met the witch, what did she look like to you? You said spirits and demons and all of that look different, right? She can’t have looked just like another mage.” There had been a lot of burning questions he could have asked, but that suddenly felt like the most pressing..

Hawke shrugged, posture open and easy, so much less jittery than on Sundermount. “She didn’t look like much of anything, really. To me, she’s essentially like a bright light that’s so blinding and just everywhere that you can’t tell things about it anymore. Not what color it is, not what shape, none of it. I could vaguely tell she had a humanoid figure for a bit, and turned into a dragon later. Whatever she is, it’s old magic, and really big. Blocked out everything else in that area - it’s why when she flew off, everything else came flooding back and I got hit by it. Hard.”

“Is THAT what happened? I was wondering if it was just the dragon thing, but you were looking queasy from the moment Daisy did that - that thing with the glowy barrier.” Varric’s eyes scanned his friend’s features, watching for each little hint about his thoughts and feelings on the matter. There was always more to ask, and the right questions came from paying attention to the signs of what was and wasn’t working.

Hawke snickered into his mug of tea, “Pretty much. The whole ancient elfy graveyard with the undead? It was saturated with magic. Just magic everywhere and I haven’t really seen blood magic before so that was new too and it was a lot of just weird magic that was gross and scary just EVERYWHERE. I was trying my damndest not to puke - cause you don’t just chunk it in a graveyard, that’s rude - and I’ll admit, I couldn’t even Perceive for most of the time after that point. It’s why I stuck entirely to just hitting things directly in front of me or that you were going after. If I could hear you shooting it, it was an okay target.”

The dwarf’s laugh was low and deep and he shook his head in disbelief, running a hand through his hair. “Hawke, you are either stupid, or crazy or both. I can’t really decide which right now.” Really, the kinds of people he picked to hang out with. He could have set his sights on anyone in Kirkwall to help them invest in the expedition but he had to go for the weird mage with the secret and the freakout tendencies, apparently.

“Varric, if I’m stupid and crazy, what does that make you?” Aeyin’s hand reached out and poked his shoulder lightly. He was obviously being careful with things like that since he probably couldn’t judge distances very well all the time. “You’re the one who hangs out with me.”

Either Hawke had mind-reading abilities or he was more self-aware than Varric gave him credit for. After a moment’s thought, he smiled, “I like heroes who try their damndest, even if they fail a lot.” Because that was the kicker, wasn’t it? Hawke was scrappy, and that was just Varric’s type of person.

The topic was dropped with a warm smile and an understanding nod from the mage, who reached through his pocket to fumble for the little yarn-tied list of local jobs. “Feel like going with me to Viscount’s Keep to see how Aveline’s boss handles her report of the whole ambush thing?”

“Uh uh. Aveline wanted you out of trouble for at least two days. I’m sure, if anything, she’ll come let us know if she needs us.” Varric shook his head at that one - nope, bad idea. “If you want get back to work, that’s fine with me, but we aren’t finding Aveline for it. I like my head where it is, thanks.”

Hawke gave a soft snicker, drawing a hand back through his hair. “Well then, should we try out Darktown? See about that Grey Warden, maybe scout out if there really is an entrance to the Amell estate down there for later? It’s certainly going to be far out of Aveline’s way.”

Varric stood, stretching a bit, “You don’t know how to take breaks, do you?”

“I just don’t like being stuck idling about.” there was something unsaid that went along with this. The helplessness was probably weighing heavily on him. Varric really couldn’t blame Hawke for being antsy after something like that.

The clinic in Darktown had been relatively easy to stumble into. They weren’t Templars so no one really blocked their way. The healer himself turned out to be the really interesting spot. Hawke had been able to pick him out rather quickly, even before he started casting on the sick child in his clinic, but that was part of Aeyin’s whole ‘see magic’ thing, wasn’t it? That part was no surprise.

No, what was truly interesting here was that when the Healer - Anders, as he was called - actually properly stood up and faced them, something in Hawke’s posture tensed a bit. He seemed to be peering at the guy quizzically, a slightly nervous expression on his face and he definitely didn’t catch half the things the guy was asking. Varric handled the talking but how distracted Hawke was caught his attention.

Anders seemed to have noticed too, because after a bit, he raised a brow and gave a half smile, “I know I’m not that attractive, so why the look?”

This seemed enough to pull Hawke back to reality, “What? Oh, I’m sorry. Just haven’t met a Grey Warden before, that’s all, I didn’t know what to expect.” It was clearly not the truth but Aeyin gave a playful smile and a shrugthat seemed to put Anders at ease, at least sort of. Hawke may not have been able to judge someone’s attractiveness, but it seemed Anders certainly could.

The blonde Warden gave a little lopsided smile at that comment, looking Hawke over once before trying to recover his topic, “I’ll forgive you then, this time. Either way, I was telling your friend that I’m not going in the Deep Roads again. I left that life, and with good reason. Those bastards even made me get rid of my cat. Poor Ser Pounce-a-Lot. He hated the Deep Roads.”

Hawke was back on top of the discussion, jumping in with a slow blink, “Everyone always has more creative pet names than I do. I got to name our dog and I just called him Jeff.” he shrugged oddly, “Dunno why the Wardens care so much about whether or not you had a pet.”

“The blighted wardens said he made me soft. I had to leave him with a friend in Amaranthine.” Anders grumbled and Varric wondered if that was the whole reason or not.

Already, Hawke was suppressing a smile and Varric could tell there was a bad joke coming from a mile away, “I thought all wardens were blighted.” he mumbled, biting his lip and shaking his head at having even said it. At the very least, his sense of humor went a long way towards making them seem a good deal more amiable and harmless than other things did.

“You’re just the soul of wit, aren’t you?” Anders may have been relatively hostile with them in the first few minutes, but it was obvious that Hawke’s bumbling through this entire conversation had left a bit more off-balance with how to handle the two. They were clearly not sent by the Wardens, nor by the Templars, and that probably helped in some fashion.

Varric smirked at Hawke’s reply. “Nope, soul of wit is Varric. I am the soul of terrible jokes and the occasional really good sandwich.” Aeyin made a dramatic half-bow at that one.

“I’ll have to take your word on the sandwich front.” Anders shook his head, expression darkening, “Listen, you can’t imagine what I’ve come through to get here and get away from the wardens. I’d like to help you but I’m not interested in-although…” He suddenly paused, as if getting an idea. “A favor for a favor. Does that sound like a fair deal? You help me, I’ll help you.”

The dwarf had been about to speak up about this, but Hawke got to it first, “Can we get some more information on what you want first? I don’t do anything involving animals or children.” The last part had been thrown in to ease the discomfort creeping into his voice, which was good because if he’d just accepted outright, Varric might have had to slap him. ‘Favor’ had way too many possible meanings, especially in Kirkwall.

“I have a Warden map of the depths in this area, but there’s a price.” Anders had certainly gotten back to business, pacing around as he spoke, “I came to Kirkwall to aid a friend. A mage. A prisoner in the wretched Gallows. The Templars learned of my plans to free him. Help me bring him safely past them and you shall have your maps.”

Aeyin’s eyes went wide and Varric could see him trying to quell any sort of panic responses. He didn’t look as green as he had on Sundermount, but that fear was telling. Really needed to work with him on that. If he gave away just how scared he was of some things or put off by them, it’d be way too easy to pick out what his problem was in time. Varric reached out and put a steadying hand on his friend’s wrist, just out of the blonde Warden’s line of sight.

Hawke coughed and straightened, getting back on track with business. He questioned Anders thoroughly about his friend, about the Templars and what they knew of the plan and just what they needed to do. He was weighing his options, that much was clear. At long last, he seemed to have reached a decision.

He scrubbed his face with a hand, just a tad tired by the entire concept, “Bloody…extremism and forcing servitude on mages isn’t going to prevent the rise of another Imperium. People looking at magic as the cause of problems and not corruption and power imbalances are going to be the ones who’re surprised when we do have another oppressive empire from a completely different source…” The last part was trailed off into mumblings and Varric could only nod at that point. Same shit, different fancy dressings.

“That’s not usually the response I get. Perhaps we will work together better than I expected.” Anders smirked a bit at them.

Hawke waved it off, “Yeah I just…we’ll see, I guess. I can’t promise I’m the best person to fight Templars, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Well, I welcome your aid, just the same. I have already sent word for Karl to meet me in the Chantry tonight. Join us there and we’ll ensure that no matter who is with him, we all walk away free.”

Varric and Hawke left Anders to his patients, agreeing to the meeting and headed a ways away before they felt comfortable enough to sit and talk. There had definitely been something about this whole business that bugged Hawke, but Varric knew better than to ask about it in mixed company. Especially with how bad they needed Anders’ assistance.

“Okay, so what was it that had you staring at him so much? Was it really the Grey Warden thing?” Varric glanced over at where Hawke had sat on some steps.

A heavy sigh left Hawke, who buried his face in his arms. “Nope. There’s something…off about Anders. I saw it more when he first greeted us - he’s got the weird stain of Darkspawn taint in him, sure, but that I’ve seen before in others, and it looked way more stable in him. No, there was this odd kind of glow in his chest, unrelated to his magic. He was casting normally but when he greeted us, when he was asking us stuff at first, all I could see was that weird glow building up in his chest.”

“You think he was going to cast something at us if we attacked?” Varric wondered, watching Hawke’s motions for any further clues.

“No, casting generally comes from the arms or hands, the magic flows through the bloodstream and doesn’t start building up till it hits your arms - or sometimes your neck if you’re doing something verbal. It doesn’t start in the pit of the stomach, or the chest, or in your brain - those places don’t glow unless there is magic being directly cast on them or in them and mages don’t do that. Not willingly, anyway. There’s something off and I can’t explain what and it bugs me. And it stopped glowing soon as he got distracted and start actually talking to me normally.”

The dwarf narrowed his eyes, suddenly not liking this much either, “Did it start back up again at all while we were there?”

Hawke gave a firm nod, and Varric found he didn’t need to ask for further confirmation of when. He remembered exactly when Hawke got distracted and worried again, when something must’ve appeared amiss about the mage. So they were working with a ticking time bomb, it seemed. Hopefully they could get this out and done with quickly.

“We’re taking Carver and Merrill tonight. She may not be good against templars, but I can see when she casts and that’ll help at least. Carver won’t be keen on what we’re doing but he’ll be much more willing to deal with it for the maps than Aveline would and you two will be the most useful in a fight against Templars. Maker, I hope we don’t get many.”

Varric had long since asked about how Aeyin handled Templars so he knew what the problem there was - fighting an enemy he couldn’t see was kind of a big deal. At least they were still men in metal suits, otherwise, and Hawke could pack a damn good punch when necessary. They would just have to be very prepared and very careful.

That night, the group met Anders at the Chantry and headed in. There was a huge feeling of un-easiness with the whole group, sticking close and looking about warily as they walked. Anders seemed to be taking charge, for the moment, commenting that if they find Karl, to let him do the talking, which generally they were just fine with. However, that all changed on the staircase to one of the upper levels of the Chantry.

Hawke suddenly flung out an arm in front of Anders, holding each of them back and starting to step back a bit himself, and Varric could spot that green tinge to his features and the panicked widening of his eyes again. “I thought you said your friend was a mage, Anders…” he was looking up ahead of them at a figure most of the group could barely make out, stepping back a bit more and starting to get a little nervous.

“He IS a mage.” Anders hissed back, probably wondering why Hawke was so vehemently holding them back.

“What is it, brother?” Carver only managed to keep his tone so low, but he’d already caught the idea there was something that Hawke could see that they couldn’t, even if Anders and Merrill had no reason to know he could see it. Merrill would probably chalk it up to him being ‘sensitive’ again, but they’d probably have to explain to Anders later.

Hawke breathed through his nose, clutching the railing with his other hand, “Anders, this is a trap. That’s a…that’s not a mage. I don’t know what that is but that isn’t a mage and it isn’t a Templar but this is definitely a setup.” he already sounded like he was gonna be sick and whatever he was looking at, it was messing him up as bad as Sundermount had.

“You’re wrong.” the blonde snapped, pushing past Hawke to storm forward and try to talk to his friend, too hopeful that Hawke was wrong. The rest of them, however, were drawing weapons already, knowing this was going to be a trap.

The managed to catch up to Anders as he was talking to the man before him, whose voice was stilted and blank. There were tears at the edges of Hawke’s eyes from how much he was straining getting closer to this person. When the man turned around, revealing the sunburst pattern on his forehead, it suddenly became very clear why Hawke thought it was a trap and was so freaked out - Varric didn’t think he wanted to know what kind of horrorshow a Tranquil would look like to him.

“You’ll understand, Anders, as soon as the Templars teach you to control yourself…” the Tranquil said, and the group was already turning and pulling up weapons as they stared down the Templars that were approaching from their hiding places, ready for a proper fight. This had definitely been a trap. “This is the apostate.” Karl, gestured to Anders for the Templars, and it seemed to set the mage off, even if the Templars themselves were focused on the armed enemies staring them down.

“No!” Anders shouted and collapsed, suddenly rearing up again, cracks upon his form and glowing eyes and suddenly Varric was pretty damn clear on what Hawke had thought was ‘off’ about this guy earlier when they’d met him.

The fight was difficult, and that was pretty damn distracting, but whatever Anders was now, he was useful in combat. They had to take on several ranks of Templars, and man would the Chantry mothers have trouble to deal with in the morning, that was for sure. It was afterwards that things got stranger.

Karl, who had been Tranquil prior to that fight, Varric was positive had suddenly begun to talk in a regular tone of voice, albeit very disoriented. Anders calmed down when he started speaking and both of those things together seemed to do Hawke some good, the man going to lean on a nearby banister.

There was some discussion that went on about whatever Anders was, and somewhere along the line, Karl was asking to be killed, to not be Tranquil again as whatever he’d gained back was fading away once more. They whole group shifted uncomfortably, even as Anders was panicking.

“Is there a cure, another way?” Hawke asked from where he was leaning, facing away and catching his breath. His posture was shaky and it probably made no sense to these outsiders just what was troubling him.

“Can you cure a beheading?” Anders snapped. “The dreams of Tranquil mages are severed. There is nothing left of them to fix.” Hawke’s behavior was definitely not helping his mood any.

“I would rather die a mage than live as a Tranquil puppet.” Karl was practically begging.

Hawke sighed into his arms. They could all tell Anders was hesitating and stuck on this decision, way too emotionally close to it. And Hawke was the one ‘in charge’ so to speak, so it was going to be him who’d have to step in, even if they could all see he wasn’t in the state for that. Varric wasn’t sure who he felt worse for - the Tranquil guy, Anders or Hawke. Well, probably it should be the dude who was likely going to die, but Hawke was the one he was closest to.

“You already said it was akin to having been beheaded, Anders, and you’d best know how seriously he means what he’s saying..” Hawke said softly, walking back over and putting a hand at the blonde’s back. “I don’t think you have much longer.”

That definitely made some sort of impact, and Anders looked down, “I got here too late. I’m sorry, Karl. I’m so sorry.” He’d made up his mind.

“Now! It’s fading!” Karl’s face was scrunching up in pain and Hawke was already biting his lip and looking away - the Tranquility was returning, and then…”Why do you look at me like that?”

If Anders hadn’t been sure before, he certainly was now, stepping forward with his face set and saying one last “Goodbye,” much more firm than his previous statements, before he killed the man, quickly, cleanly, and as mercifully as possible. “We should leave before more Templars come.” Just like that, it was done and Anders was walking away.

Hawke just nodded, motioning for the others to follow, heading outside the Chantry before he bothered to speak, “We’ll meet you up in a bit.” he called after Anders, though it wasn’t clear if the mage heard him or not, already striding quickly away.

“Why don’t we head to the Hanged Man for a little? Give him some alone time and grab a few drinks while we wait?” Varric suggested, nudging Hawke along ahead of him.

“Yeah…that sounds - Merrill, did you remember to bring that ball of twine today?” Hawke turned to look back at his brother and the elf girl.

Merrill jumped a bit at being addressed, having been concentrating a bit more on the scenery. “Oh, no. I don’t need it when I’m following you, do I?”

“Ah. Carver, will you walk Merrill home then? I think I need to call it a night early.” which both Carver and Varric knew meant ‘I need to talk to Varric about what freaked me out but don’t want Merrill to feel left out’.

“Oh. I hope you feel better, Hawke!” the elf girl at least seemed to have accepted it as another of his oddities with magic - or was intending to ask Carver later. She darted forward to give the man a hug about his shoulders, which she had to stand up on tiptoe to do.

Aeyin leaned forward a bit so Merrill didn’t have to stretch as far to hug him. “Thanks, Merrill. Tell you what, when I’m feeling better tomorrow I’ll come round and make cookies for you as a housewarming present, alright?”

“Ooh, you will? I’ve never had - the Dalish don’t really eat cookies. I hope they’re alright. I don’t even know if I have the things to make-” already Merrill was stepping away from him, puzzling herself over what she might need.

This drew a small snort from Carver, “Don’t worry, Brother will probably bring whatever he’s going to use with him. He’s picky about baking.” the younger Hawke brother offered his arm in a fashion that could be considered mildly charming, for Carver anyway. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

Varric and Hawke ambled along back towards the Hanged Man, letting Carver and Merrill get ahead of them, but still in range should anything attack on their way back. They watched the two round the bend past the tavern before bothering to speak to each other.

“Well. At least you didn’t pass out this time?” Varric suggested with a hopeful nudge to Hawke’s side, “Though Aveline’s still going to kill you.”

“Oh that was a lot less ‘overwelmed by magic’ and more ‘just really disgusted and freaked out’, don’t worry. I’ve never seen a hole in the fucking world before, it threw me.” Hawke was definitely recovering from being shaken, at least a bit, pushing the door open to the tavern and heading straight for the stairs to Varric’s suite.

“I thought you said that’s what Templars are like for you anyway?” Varric followed after him, waving to the bartender on the way past to signal their usuals. Well, his usual. Hawke still didn’t really drink.

The question got a low snicker from Aeyin. “Naw, Varric. Give me some vellum and something to write with, I’ll show you what I mean.”

Varric was intrigued by this, heading over to his desk to grab a few supplies from the writing stand. As far as he knew, the best Hawke could do as far as writing was a signature, but otherwise he wasn’t very good. That meant whatever this was, it was bound to be an interesting demonstration.

“Just be gentle, I use this stuff to make my living, you know.”

Hawke rolled his eyes, taking the paper and drawing a line on it then a few bumps. Most didn’t actually fall on the line and he only stayed on the paper because he could feel the texture under his palm. “Alright. This is what the world looks like to me. Outlines and shit, right?” he pointed at it again, “This is also what Templars look like to me. Notice they aren’t there and you see the background.” He drew a vague scribbly shape on the paper. “That’s the average person.” Scratched in some color. “Someone using magic.”

Varric nodded, “Alright, I’m following so far, Hawke. What’re you getting at?”

Putting down the pen, he felt where the ink was still wet and promptly pushed his finger through the ink, burning a small hole straight through the paper where his squiggle was. “This is a Tranquil.” he dropped the paper onto the table in front of him, that seared hole that cut through the background and showed the table beyond instead of just what was behind it suddenly making the pit of Varric’s stomach feel much lower.

“So when you said ‘hole in the world’ you meant-”

“I meant that there is nothing there. I can see the outline, I can see there’s a body in that space, but there’s a gaping hole where magic and life isn’t. It’s fundamentally wrong on a magic level.” Hawke crossed his arms over his chest, “That’s what I meant when I said it was a bloody trap. I didn’t recognize what that hole meant till I heard him speak, but I knew it wasn’t what we were there to find.”

The dwarf rested his chin on his hand, the pair falling silent as their drinks were brought in, waiting to speak again till after the waitress left. “So… how’d Anders look to you when he freaked out?”

“Well, I know what his eyes look like now. And have a clearer definition of his build - everywhere he had a ‘crack’ on him, it showed up on his outline for him. That’s the energy inside bursting out, from whatever spirit thing that is.” Hawke took a swig of the water and made a face, because water in the Hanged Man wasn’t exactly good anyway.

Varric sighed, “Sort of like a filled pastry that’s been crushed a bit, then? Eh…so it wasn’t a demon?”

“Not sure, honestly.” Hawke undid his bandana, letting his long black hair fall into his face and ran a hand through the tresses to sort them out. “It’s hard to tell right now. Some spirits and spells and such, they are purely one or the other. Very clear. This one’s mostly a spirit but there’s twists in it. Darkenings. Contact with things outside the Fade is part of what changes them, so part of why they corrupt. I can’t imagine whatever that relationship is, that it’s completely healthy for either party.”

The dwarf sipped quietly at his brew, watching his friend retwist the long mass of black hair to tie back under the red bandana. Things like that were just part of how Hawke seemed to wind down from what was probably a pretty traumatic life when it came to magic. He freaked out seeing its effects, sometimes, but there definitely were other levels to it he was glad not to deal with.

Hawke took up his water again and grimaced, “I really should have gone and gotten something stronger. Oh well. This is gross enough to kick me back on my feet so I can head to Darktown and check on that guy. Pretty sure we’ve earned our maps. Do you wanna stay in for the night?”

“What and make you take Darktown alone? No thank you. I can handle the trip down there, you just owe me another drink when we get back.” Varric finished off his current beverage and stood. “And I’m coming along if you’re making cookies for Daisy tomorrow. I wanna see how the hell you do something like baking. And don’t tell me there’s anything major in the shape of things that can help you much with that.”

Hawke gave a wide smile, “Actually its more very careful and precise timing. And using magical fire so I can watch things.”

“Now you’re just spoiling my fun.”

Hawke just gave a quiet hum, “Seriously though, I’m going to have to start getting you guys to enchant your weapons so I can see where you are in a fight if I can’t meet people I can see that don’t freak me the hell out.” he gave a low bow in Varric’s direction, “At least Bianca’s kind enough to be audible.”

“She’s a giver like that.” the dwarf chuckled, heading out into the city and along their way towards Darktown.

The mood sobered severely when it came time to talk to Anders but at least they got their maps and a healer out of the business. Though, the less said about his situation with the spirit - a spirit of Justice, it turned out - the better. They really did need to start meeting people who didn’t weird Hawke out but were alright with shady stuff - Aveline and Carver alone just wouldn’t cut it for too much longer.


	5. Blue Light in the Night

“Thanks for having us over, Merrill.” Aeyin leaned forward to give Merrill a hug, letting her wrap her arms around his shoulders and picking her up in a little squeeze good-bye.

“Oh no, thank you for visiting me, Hawke. A-and Varric too. Thank you both. Ooh and thank you for the cookies too. I’m babbling again. Do you have yours okay, are you sure they’re wrapped alright?” Merrill was talking a mile-a-minute, checking they had all of their belongings and the extra cookies Hawke had made were properly wrapped to travel. Aeyin could see her shape moving around him and hear how she rustled the packages in his arms.

“We’ll be fine, Daisy. You have a good night now.” Varric nudged her back towards the house, freeing Aeyin from her fussing. Soon as the door shut solidly and they had waited a moment or two to make sure she didn’t come back to check on them again, Varric started chuckling. “Okay, in future, I’m not bringing rum when we hang out here.”

Aeyin was chuckling quietly in response, glancing ahead of them at the mostly empty alienage when he spotted a particular door across the way. His mind flitted back to a couple of days before, when Anso the dwarf had asked them to look into some goods of his being kept here. It had definitely smelled of a setup, at the time, but after their last two major adventures, it sounded like a much more manageable setup. His gaze drifted over the houses and his laugh quieted.

“Uh oh. What’re you thinking of, Hawke?” Varric already sounded mildly suspicious. The rum had been pretty good though, and he was already a rather amiable sort, so his suspicion didn’t mean he’d be opposed to the suggestion.

Aeyin quirked a small smile, “Didn’t Anso say the house he wanted us to check out was in the Alienage? Just go in and see about his goods, right? It seems like a quiet night, right? Wanna poke our noses where they don’t belong?”

Varric gave a shrug, “Don’t I always, Hawke? Come on, let’s see who wants to kick our asses tonight. If we find something magical that makes you sick again, though, you owe me.”

As it turned out, the house itself was mostly deserted. There were a few thugs to beat up but mostly it was unoccupied. The real kicker was when Varric opened the box, supposedly of Anso’s goods, and found it completely empty.

“…Definitely a setup. Let’s get back to Anso and see what he really wanted.” Varric grumbled.

Aeyin was chuckling merrily as they stepped out of the house, and were faced with a huge cluster of armored fighters, many of which were carrying shields. Slowly the mage’s smirk grew and he whispered softly to Varric. “Look, Varric, no magic and no one else on our side to hit. I might actually get to cast.”

The group were babbling about an elf, and having to kill whoever came out of the house, but Hawke was busy sizing them up. Right as they declared an attack, the fireballs and lightning began raining down on the group. Hawke could hear the telltale snaps and clicks that indicated Bianca was out to play, and soon enough the sounds of arrows flying joined his spells. When the group started trying to scatter to give them more trouble, Hawke’s force magic started pulling them back together. Area of effect spells were something he only got to use VERY RARELY, but when he did, it was way too much fun.

They weren’t able to keep up the area of effect stuff for long, Hawke having to step up properly into the fray to start beating the fighters with his staff and outright punching them, usually flaming punches for effect. They didn’t have Aveline or Carver, so it was his job to keep enemies off of Varric - which was plenty fine. As long as someone as in his face and attacking him, he could tell where they were. It was rather refreshing not fighting a severely magical foe after their last two encounters.

Soon enough the two were left alone in the alienage, surrounded by the burning and arrow filled bodies of the slavers. Varric made a point to grab whatever intact arrows - and anything else of worth - he could before they were ready to head out. He went about his task quickly, at least as far as Aeyin could tell from his movements - which, why shouldn’t he be in a rush? There might be reinforcements.

“Pretty sure those weren’t lyrium smugglers.” Aeyin commented with a mild smirk at Varric, leaning against the doorway to catch his breath for a few moments. “Shall we go see if we can find Anso for a chat?”

The dwarf gave him a slap on the wrist and the duo headed for the exit to the alienage. But already, a new figure was stepping out of nearby concealment towards them.

“I dunno who you are, friend, but you made a serious mistake coming here.” the new arrival made an attempt at a menacing hiss, motioning behind himself. “Lieutenant, I want everyone in the clearing - NOW!”

Someone in the same odd helmet as the other slavers stumbled out from behind a wall at the top of the stairs, weakly croaking “Captain…” before falling completely.

A slimmer and shorter figure with odd spikes to their outline strode out from behind this soldier, heading towards them and past the Slaver Captain. “Your men are dead, and your trap has failed.” this one spoke with a low growl of a voice that was certainly more menacing than any of the slavers had managed. “I suggest running back to your master while you can.”

It seemed the Captain was not intelligent enough to grasp he was very strongly outmatched right then, daring to storm over to the slim and spiky one and actually put a hand on one shoulder. “You’re going nowhere, slave.”

All at once the slim figure went from a dark shape outlined against the dark world to being intricately defined by blue lines that sparkled and gleamed with power, and that shade of blue was a perfectly familiar one. Lyrium. He knew what lyrium looked like but had never seen it in this format. Instead of magic glowing inside a person’s vague shape in space, the lines of lyrium curved and twisted, shadowing and glowing in ways that sculpted the figure of the elf before him, lines glowing even on his ears.

This glowing seemed to be with a purpose as the spiky elf shoved his hand straight through the outline of the Captain, glowing on the other side of him. In a moment the slaver was dead and he was turning around to face them…giving Aeyin a much clearer view of the rest of him than was probably appropriate. Especially for how serious he sounded. “I am NOT a slave.”

Carefully, the mage drew a hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose, subtly blocking his own vision. “Well that certainly was…impressive? Should I be running for my life now or is that a no?” Thankfully, the glowing stopped about then and Hawke was able to lower his hand, relieved to find the elf back to being an outline.

“I…apologize.” Knowing what his figure looked like did make his motions more interesting, the careful way he moved and spoke, his odd posture when facing Varric and Aeyin, sort of wound up, coiled to spring for another fight. “When I asked Anso to provide a distraction for the hunters, I had no idea they’d be so numerous.”

The fact he was pacing away a bit, had his back to them, was doing nothing for Aeyin trying to rend the image of sleek musculature and shapely features from his mind. It was certainly not working. The best he could do was try to focus on those words - which, the voice did help with. It was a very, very nice voice. “S-so you’re the one who arranged this then?”

“I’m the reason you’re here, yes. My name is Fenris. These men were Imperial bounty hunters seeking to return a magister’s lost property - namely, myself. They were trying to lure me into the open. Crude as their methods were, I could not face them alone.” Fenris spoke clearly, his tone level and easy to follow even for Aeyin’s distracted state of mind. “Thankfully, Anso chose wisely.” The little shift in his tone as he said ‘thankfully’ told of some sort of positive humor, at the very least. The compliment did as well but the tone was the most readable thing about him.

Hawke managed to compose himself, at least a bit, running a hand across his bandana to keep from fidgeting. “That seems like a lot of effort to find one slave.” Then again, most slaves probably didn’t turn blue and start punching through chests when you pissed them off. At least, not as far as he knew.

“It is.” At least Fenris was making absolutely no effort in hiding that from them.

“Something to do with the markings, right?” it felt a little rude to bring it up, but on the other hand, Aeyin sort of wanted to find a polite way to apologize for invading the elf’s privacy, whether intentionally or not. Because while he wasn’t complaining about the view, seeing someone you just met naked without their permission wasn’t really cool. Even if it was blue glowy shadow naked.

Thankfully, the question actually seemed to amuse the elf. There was a slight laugh in Fenris’s voice as he spoke. “Yes, I imagine I must look strange to you.”

“You have no idea.” Aeyin shook his head, whispering the comment to try and ease his own mirth. This wasn’t that funny. In his peripheral Perception, he could spot Varric turning to look at him, probably a bit confused as to what Hawke had seen.

Fenris’s tone sobered a bit, “I did not receive these markings by choice. Even so they have served me well. Without them, I would still be a slave.”

That tone of his voice and the reality of the situation crashed back into Aeyin, leaving him staring at the elf’s outline with softened eyes. Shaking off his distraction the rest of the way, he ran a hand over his bandana once more, “Well, if they were really trying to recapture you, then I’m happy I helped.”

“I have met few in my travels who have sought anything more than personal gain.” Fenris’s head lowered oddly for a moment before he returned to looking at them agani. “If I may ask, what was in the chest? The one they kept in the house?”  
“Nothing. The chest was empty.” at the edge of his ‘vision’, Aeyin could tell Varric was moving a bit, crossing his arms over his chest, which just made his sideways outline stick out more in the front.

Fenris definitely sounded disappointed by that, “I suppose it was too much to hope for, even so, I had to know…”

This was surprising, once more making Aeyin wonder what the contents of the chest would have supposedly been to lure the runaway elf here, “You were expecting something else?” Fenris seemed the cautious type, so it had to be something important to him.

“I was, but I shouldn’t have. It was bait, nothing more.” The bite had returned to his tone, and it was clear Fenris didn’t want to talk about it further.

Hawke chuckled softly, letting the topic tread elsewhere, “You didn’t need to lie to get my help.”

Whatever good humor had been in the elf, it had retreated once more in favor of business. “That remains to be seen.” Fenris’s voice went from light to gruff so easily, and he immediately moved to crouch by the dead Captain, checking him for something.

Aeyin waited, not able to distinguish the movements he was making and instead focusing on making sure his bandana was properly tightened and in place - with how much he’d been scraping his hand across it in nervousness tonight, it could easily have come undone. He waited for Fenris to speak again, since the elf was technically the one who’d “hired” them and he likely had more work for them.

“It’s as I thought. My former master accompanied them to the city.” Fenris said at last, straightening, “I know you have questions, but I must confront him before he flees. I will need your help.” He was looking at them again and his posture was so guarded it conveyed things that would probably have been expressed in most people’s expressions alone.

It was barely a second thought for Hawke, really. “If it means fighting more slavers, I’ll help you.” He could hear Varric laughing a bit and didn’t have to notice the flurry of movement in his outline to tell the dwarf was shaking his head at him.

“I will find a way to repay you. I swear it.” Fenris was already turning from them, his position more sure now, “The magister is staying at a mansion in Hightown. Meet me there as soon as you can - we must enter before morning.”

The pair waited a little, leaving the elf to head off in front of them. Aeyin’s mind wandered to whether or not they should wake Merrill or go find Carver. He’d almost completely forgotten his earlier distraction till Varric spoke.

“Well, you didn’t get weirded out and sickened at this one, so I’m going to guess the freaky glowing elf was alright?” Varric stared up at him, outline looking much smaller from the front since his arms were likely still crossed over his chest.

The reminder brought a blush to the human’s cheeks, but he answered with almost innocence, “Did he glow? I wouldn’t have noticed, Varric. Thanks for telling me. What else did he look like?”

The dwarf made a small grumble, “Yes, he glowed, Almost all of him was blue - those markings he had all over his body just lit up and there was blue light bouncing off of everything. There’s no way you didn’t pick that up.”

Aeyin gave a sly smirk, “He was certainly…quite a sight for me.” He all-but-purred the response, just to pick on his friend.

Varric’s hands moved from his chest to his hips and he leaned in a bit closer to Aeyin, “You’re blushing, Hawke. And you’re not good at playing coy, either.” his voice was amused and he reached out to smack his friend’s arm, “Whatever he looked like to you, I’m just glad it’s not enough to make you chunk it. The Alienage needs enough cleaning in the morning as it is.”

“Come on, we need to see if Carver’s still up.” Aeyin laughed, striding past Varric and back towards Uncle Gamlen’s home in Lowtown. They had a magister to fight before morning.

It turned out Carver was fast asleep but the family Mabari was always full of energy being cooped up in the house, so Aeyin quietly led him out of the house. Varric, Aeyin and the dog made their way to Hightown to meet Fenris in the dark, glad to avoid most of the gangs for a change.

They found the elf by a shrubbery outside of a particular estate, face tilted up towards the mansion. “No one has left the mansion, but I have heard nothing within. Danarius may know we’re here. I wouldn’t put it past him.” the way Fenris spat the name gave it a certain form in Hawke’s mind. This guy was probably scum anyway, but that painted the picture so much more plainly.

“I could do to learn a little more about this Danarius.” Hawke felt a bit sick even asking that, he really didn’t think he wanted to know more about this guy. But if there was a chance they were going up against him, it was worth it.

“He is a magister of the Tevinter Imperium.” that seemed to be a perfectly sound explanation to Fenris.

Varric gave an annoyed huff. “Oh, nothing to worry about then.”

Fenris’s posture tightened some, but he stood tall even as he spoke his next words, “There he is a wealthy mage with great influence. Here he is but a man who sweats like any other when death comes for him.”

“You sure know how to put things, don’t you?” Aeyin asked, glancing towards the building Fenris had been pointed at. “He may have prepared some kind of magical defenses.”

Still, the elf was determined. “They will not keep me from him.” Fenris headed towards the door, leaving them on the path.

“No but they’re probably worth watching out for.” Hawke commented, following after without too much hesitation. Once they were inside the front door, however, that changed.

Some kinds of magic he could see even through obstacles in his Perception. They were powerful enough beacons of magic, and physical boundaries didn’t apply the same to them or to how Aeyin could see them. Fenris’s markings had been one of those such things, but another was demons.

Hawke let out a quiet hiss of distaste when they were past the first door inside and nearing the second. Before they proceeded furrther into the house, he put a hand out in front of Fenris, blocking him from moving on just yet. “Just going to warn you before you walk in there, that room has a bloody obscene amount of demons in it.”

“Excuse me?” Fenris’s face turned towards him, and there was a note of suspicion in his voice. “How would you-”

“Beyond that door. Demons. Lot of em. Mostly shades I think? Coupla rage too. Dunno, just felt it was notable.” Hawke shrugged, pulling his arm away and drawing his staff. Really not worth standing and discussing his abilities right then. If he could see the demons it wouldn’t be long before they were accosted. Best to be prepared.

“Bianca’s thankful for the warning, even if the elf isn’t.” Varric called from behind him, already clicking his crossbow out of collapsed mode. That motion had the Mabari sniffing at the door and growling some.

The house was certainly filled with an excessive amount of demons. There were probably enough demons that they could have started their own gang in Hightown. But just like one of those, the group cut down the demons and made it through the house. However, there was no magister for them to fight, nothing alive even when they reached the locked chambers upstairs. It was just a big baited trap of demons meant to kill whoever might have made it past the slavers.

In the empty master bedroom, Fenris let his glow dissipate - or maybe it just did that because he’d calmed down some - and he turned to face Hawke and Varric. “Gone. I had hoped…eh. No. It doesn’t matter any longer.” He sounded defeated, or at least put out by their lack of success. “I assume Danarius left valuables behind. Take them if you wish. I…need some air.”

“Alright…” Aeyin watched his form depart before taking a seat on a nearby bench and smiling over at Varric. “Do we want to go see if there’s anything to be had here besides torn trousers and demon goo?”

The dwarf snickered, “Sounds good to me.” he looked about the room, finding chests and things to look, his figure crouching down whenever he found one, accompanied by the sounds of clicking locks.

“You know, I really didn’t think when you said we could find work all over Kirkwall that the majority of it would involve so much weird ass magic.”

Varric snorted, “You and me both, Hawke. You just seem to attract weirdos.”

“I’d rather attract da-no I wouldn’t. I take that back. Weirdos are way easier for me to be an awkward gangly idiot around than dates are, what am I saying.”

“That’s certainly one way to look at it.” Varric headed to the door with their loot, heading for one of the other areas they’d passed.

Once the place had been thoroughly ‘inspected’ by the dwarf, the pair and the dog headed outside to see how Fenris was. They found him outside of the mansion, leaning up against a wall with one knee bent so his foot was pressed into the stone behind him. It was a pose that showed the curvature of his muscles well, reminding Aeyin once more of how clearly the lyrium had defined them in battle. He really hoped he wasn’t blushing again.

“It never ends.” that low voice cut through the silence of Hightown’s evening, “I escaped a land of dark magic only to have it hunt me at every turn. It is a plague, burned into my flesh and my soul, and now I find myself in the company of yet another mage.”

Aeyin made another quiet hiss of pain at the insinuation. Oh here it went. No one who had been kept a slave by someone like that was going to just be completely fine hanging around more mages. It made him feel just a tad more awful about how he’d been able to see the elf as well. But just as much…it wasn’t like he didn’t agree with the sentiment in some ways. Magic could certainly be a plague in Hawke’s life as well. It’d kept his family on the run, robbed him of ever being able to see the faces of his family and friends, made his life a careful balance between ‘valued commodity’ and ‘better off dead’. And what Fenris had gone through was probably a thousand times worse.

The elf’s accusation continued, “I remember you spotting the demons before they had even revealed themselves and I saw you casting spells inside. I should have realized sooner what you really were. Tell me then, what manner of mage are you? What is it that you seek?”

The question threw Aeyin off balance. What was he seeking? The truth was, enough coin that he could set his family up so he could shut himself out of their lives and the rest of the world and not have it be an issue. But that wasn’t really a good thing to go spouting off to people, and Fenris probably didn’t care. “I’m just trying to get by, really.”

“Yet I have seen many crimes done in the name of survival.” Fenris was probably looking at him with disgust at this point, his tone was still rather cold.

That part got Aeyin narrowing his eyes and that sly smirk playing on his lips again,. “Didn’t we just commit several of those in the name of your survival?” 

Fenris composed himself once more, his tone softening a bit, “I imagine I appear ungrateful. If so, I apologize, for nothing could be further from the truth. I did not find Danarius, but I still owe you a debt.” he held forth a pouch, which Aeyin took with only mild hesitation. “Here is all the coin I have, as Anso promised. Should you find yourself in need of assistance…I would gladly render it.”

This offer was certainly surprising, “Are you sure? You didn’t really seem keen on me a moment ago…” Hawke still gave him a smile for his trouble. This Fenris was certainly an odd sort, but he could get used to that.

“You are not Danarius. Whether you are anything like him remains to be seen.” that might as well have been a compliment for how light it made him feel to hear Fenris say it.

Still, there was one other point of concern. “I have other mages I associate with, are you going to have a problem with them?”

Fenris considered it, and it almost felt like they were arguing out terms of a contract. “I will watch them carefully if we travel together. I can promise no more.”

That felt like all of the important matters, but still, Aeyin felt a bit of a need to find a way to broach the more…awkward of topics once more. He wanted to be able to have a trust-based relationship with all of his friends, but there was only so much he could tell them. In this case, it felt even more important than usual. Still, there were only so many ways to broach the topic without revealing everything. At the least, Fenris already knew he could see things like demons through doors. That might give him a bit of a way to cover the topic.

“So, just going to ask, since he bothered leaving a house full of demons and you don’t really do that for someone you want alive…he really isn’t after you so much as the markings, huh?”

Fenris’s answer was cold, probably too used to the idea to even be disgusted with it at this point. “They are lyrium, burned into my flesh to provide the power that Danarius required of his pet. And now he wishes his precious investment returned, even if he must rip it from my corpse.”

The tension in the air was becoming palpable again, and Aeyin grinned, “Seems like a waste of a perfectly handsome elf.” That was not even close to as much of a lie as it would have been to say to anyone else. It did hit the man very quickly right after just how stupid a statement that was to make anyway and he cringed internally.

For all the mood was uncomfortable, Fenris did actually laugh at his attempt to lighten it. It was a nervous sort of laugh and he coughed awkwardly to hide it, but it had been there and it had been a lovely sound.

“I appreciate you laughing at that because I am pretty sure that was one of the most asinine things I could have said.” Hawke chuckled and it warmed his heart to see that tiny shift in the elf’s shoulders as his posture relaxed, just a tad, before it quickly became guarded again.

“The truth is, I know nothing of the ritual that placed these markings on me. It was Danarius’s choice, one he now regrets.” Fenris seemed unwilling - or unable - to let himself relax for more than a moment at present. Which, Hawke didn’t blame him for, really.

Aeyin cocked his head to the side, shifting his weight some, “Your former master is a pretty sick bastard. There is pretty much no reason you should ever need lyrium in half the places you have it. And I apologize, but I know where you have it - magic sense and all.”

Fenris actually didn’t seem completely put off by this comment, his voice regaining a hint of mirth, “Is that a complaint? I do believe you had just said I was handsome.”

It was at that point that Aeyin Hawke became acutely aware that he was playfully flirting with a very beautifully built elf who he’d just admitted to having seen pretty much naked…and Varric had meandered off with his dog somewhere, leaving him to this. A blush coated his cheeks and he tried not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. “Oh I’m certainly not complaining if you haven’t got any problems with me knowing your…exact unarmored proportions whenever you activate those markings.” He was almost crying from holding in the laughter, the smile on his face threatening to split it.

“I shall consider the matter thoroughly.” Fenris gave another soft chuckle and shook his head, his stance so much looser than it had been when they’d first left the mansion. “You will be certainly interesting to work with If you do so desire my services?”

Aeyin snorted and clapped a hand to his face again, “Maker, you’re going to have me waking Hightown with laughter. Had to put it like that, whoa.” he took a deep breath to calm himself. “Look, I’m planning an expedition I might need help with - and just some jobs in the interim too.”

“Fair enough.” Stupid growly elf with his cute growly voice. “Should you ever have need of me, I will be here. If Danarius wishes his mansion back, he is free to return and claim it. Beyond that, I am at your disposal.”

“Staying there? Eesh. I’ll try to pop by at a reasonable hour tomorrow and help you clean up some, that place is a mess.” Aeyin looked back at the way they’d come from, thinking of the state of the floors and furniture and demon gunk residue. If even he could tell a place was a mess, it was pretty bad off.

“Danarius deserves no such courtesy.” Fenris grumbled, heading back towards the door. “You needn’t trouble yourself for that.”

“Oh I wasn’t think of extending him anything of the kind. But you deserve at least better than living among decaying corpses and the trash of summonings.” Hawke looked after him and there was something about how Fenris was looking at him that he was sure he missed. He couldn’t read the elf’s mood from his posture in this motion, and he was sure there was probably something in his eyes that said a lot more than the mage was catching.

It made the almost stutter of “Goodnight.” all the stranger.

Really, he could have left it there but it was at that moment that the man realized one very critical error in his judgement. Turning back to Fenris, he scraped a hand over his bandana once more as he spoke, “I’m Hawke, by the way. Aeyin Hawke. Going to be kind of strange if you worked with me and I never told you that. Goodnight.”

And immediately he turned on his heel and strode off into Hightown, entire face red with blushing. He needed to find where Varric had absconded to with his damn dog. This was just embarrassing.

“So, had fun making friends with your ‘handsome’ elf?” Varric had spotted Aeyin approaching before he’d noticed the dwarf’s figure on the ground by a shrub, putting small thin rectangles on the ground in front of his dog.

“I did. Having fun…playing cards with my Mabari?” he guessed on that one. Varric was fond of cards and that made the most sense - though none of the options really made sense.

Varric chuckled, “I did. Your dog’s pretty good at Diamondback. He needs to watch his tells though.” That got a small whine from Jeff the Mabari. “Speaking of tells, I’d be careful how many people you call good looking when you don’t actually know what they look like. A lie like that will only work so far.”

Aeyin raised a brow and for once, an almost smooth answer came out, “But Varric, I wasn’t lying. Between what I could see and what I can hear, he might be one of the most gorgeous people I’ve ever met.” a glance at the dwarf and he smirked once more, “Besides you and Bianca, of course.”

“I’m flattered.” the dwarf rolled his eyes, “I think I made you promise me a drink if we fought more weird magic shit tonight? We’ve definitely got enough for one.”

“Sure sure, to the Hanged Man it is. You may gorge yourself on at least one rat flavored whiskey off your tab and on mine for the night.”


	6. Suspicious Minds

Captain of the Guard. It was still a pretty big change for Aveline. Who would have known that at the end of the trail through Jeavon’s treachery would be a promotion for her? Aveline Vallen was moving up in the world, and soon enough, she was sure Hawke would be too. He’d been so carefully saving and planning for that Deep Roads expedition, and the woman had no doubt it would succeed. Still, she was worried.

Generally, Aeyin Hawke was a reliable sort of person, in her estimation. Of the two brothers, he was definitely the one she had to keep an eye on less - which was saying a lot, as Aeyin tended to get into all sorts of ridiculous trouble on his own and hang out with somewhat questionable people. At least it was a consistent group of questionable people and most of them he seemed to influence positively, more than they influenced him negatively.

The latest was a flirtatious raider, Isabela, whom Aveline was taking quite a while to warm up to. The best that could be said of the woman was she seemed to make Hawke happy. He delighted in romping about town with her and Merrill, sometimes dragging Aveline along as well, for which the guardswoman was glad. She was still extremely wary about having Merrill anywhere near Hawke - the way he’d collapsed that day on Sundermount had scared the life out of Aveline, and she couldn’t quickly forget Merrill’s part in the matter. It’d been after the girl started using blood magic that he’d begun getting queasy looking, and there was undoubtedly a connection, whether Merrill intended it or not.

On this particular day, Aveline was watching the three ahead of her with narrowed eyes, keeping a watch for anything suspicious. They were just in the Lowtown Bazaar, nothing too out of the ordinary or dangerous, but she had a bad feeling just the same. Hawke was oddly clumsy sometimes, especially in crowds, tripping over his long legs where normally he walked with such purpose. Aveline was sure he was masking some leftover weakness from recent events.

Isabela casually pulled back from where Hawke was helping Merrill put her groceries in a bag, sidling up beside Aveline and slinging an arm through hers. The guardswoman gave her a sidelong glance, rather glad her coinpurse was in the other side of her armor and quite secure.

“Tell me, big girl, you’ve known Hawke quite a while, haven’t you?” there was a coo in Isabela’s voice that definitely felt like a windup for some kind of annoying flirtation.

Aveline gave Isabela another glance, before turning her gaze back to Merrill and Hawke. “I have. His whole family, really. What are you getting at?”

“Is he…alright?” Isabela was actually doing her best to be subtle, it seemed, her clinging to Aveline just to make it seem like she was being a tease. “He seems a little funny sometimes.”

Alright, that was certainly suspicious. “Funny? How so?” Aveline gave her full attention to the woman now, gaze icy. If she was trying to make rude implications about Hawke’s intelligence, Aveline might well just punch her through a wall.

Isabela lowered her voice, but still kept a relaxed posture. “Take it easy, big girl. I meant, is he sick or does he have issues with crowds or something?” her whole look said ‘winding up for flirting’ but her words and the slightly concerned glances she kept shooting to Aeyin said other things entirely. “I’ve been around Kirkwall and out on the Coast with him and Fenris and Varric and he’s never half as clumsy out and about as he is just walking around the Bazaar. When we start getting near crowds he’ll reach for my or Merrill’s arm. Plus you’ve been watching him like mad. I’ve only been friends with him for so long but if something’s up I’d like to know about it.”

A knot formed in Aveline’s gut. Could she trust Isabela not to just abandon Hawke or go spreading rumors about town if she did let on to being worried about him? This woman was a complete unknown and while Aveline herself was worried about how he’d be on his trip to the Deep Roads, she didn’t want to cost him a chance at it because people suddenly started thinking he was infirm. Her eyes turned back to Merrill and Hawke, how Aeyin had picked up Merrill as well as her groceries as a joke, leaving the elven girl laughing into his shoulder. Her mind returned to a year before, when she’d first met him and any time they were out of combat, he walked along with his young sister, the girl’s arm on his, and to a private warning he’d given her.

Taking a deep breath, Aveline turned back to Isabela and shook her head. “I think he’s still adjusting to Kirkwall. He grew up in a small town that was destroyed by the Blight, and always on the run with more than one apostate in his family. Crowds were a threat to his safety. And…” she felt the knot in her gut twist, “And he lost his little sister to the Blight. I didn’t know her long, but she seemed very close with him. He was protective of her, that much I remember. Its likely old habit that he reaches for you or Merrill when he’s worried.”

Isabela didn’t seem fully satisfied with that answer, she kept her eyes on Aveline for a good few moments and the guardswoman was almost sure she’d be called on the half-truth. After a moment, however, the pirate smiled, patting Aveline’s arm as she pulled away from her.

“Thanks for letting me know.” Isabela sauntered right back over to the pair, raising her voice once more, “What’s all this? Merrill’s getting carried around and I don’t get a turn? Hawke, how could you?” All play, all shallow, nothing of the concerned looks or mood visible now. She easily linked arms with Aeyin soon as she reached him, leaning her head on his arm.

“Oh I figured you’d get picked up just fine - I’m pretty sure Aveline was going to hurl you through a window if you kept grabbing her.” Hawke seemed just fine holding onto the groceries and having the two leaning on him, but he did shoot a small glance towards Aveline. He gave her a lopsided smile, looking a tad apologetic.

Aveline chuckled quietly at his joke, “I would have too, but I’m not going to be responsible for anyone’s property damage without good reason. I have a reputation to uphold for the guard, you know.” It was the easiest way to let him know she didn’t mind following around him and his friends. Still, she felt a sick feeling in her stomach. Hawke was a good friend, and pulling out his sister’s death as an excuse to hide things felt like she was stabbing him in the back.

The feeling gnawed at her as they continued around town - taking Merrill’s shopping back to her home then heading back to the Bazaar to look for supplies and trinkets. At the very least, Isabela seemed much more skilled than either Hawke or Merrill at picking out what things were and weren’t a decent buy, and seemed plenty happy to offer her expertise to the two. For all the woman was a complete swindler, she seemed to have a good heart buried somewhere in there. It helped Aveline’s conscience exactly none but it did at least seem like a silver lining on her being friends with Hawke.

As they rounded a bend, the small group ran into one of Aveline’s guards, grousing about a group of swindlers that were funnelling money right into the Carta’s pockets. For a moment, the distraction made Aveline forget the twist in her gut, instead focused on the boiling of her blood. Isabela glanced back at her with a smirk.

“Come on, let’s go knock some Carta skulls in. Maybe that’ll give Lady Biceps a bit of cheer.” the pirate crooned the words to the group, nudging Hawke in the arm fondly. “There’s bound to be some nice coin in it.”

Aeyin blanched a little, just for a moment, before grinning, “Sounds good to me. Let’s go track these guys down.”

That brief moment’s fear stuck in the back of Aveline’s mind, even as they fought the small group of Carta dwarves. It wasn’t a particularly heavy duty fight, but it reminded her of something. Her gaze - and it seemed Isabela’s too - kept drifting to Hawke during the entire fight, just quickly to keep watch on what he was doing.

Hawke didn’t stay in the back and cast the way Merrill did, though he did seem fully aware of her targets during combat. He weaved between Isabela and Aveline, only using close combat magic and moves. The furthest casting he actually seemed to do was yanking an attacker away from Merrill and towards the three of them.

Afterwards, he grumbled into his gloves, thinking they couldn’t hear him, “Thank the Maker.”

Isabela put her hands on Hawke’s shoulders, theatrically lifting herself up just to rest her chin on him and smirk, “Thanking the heavens for the talented lovely ladies that just saved your arse?” she teased.

He reached over to muss Isabela’s hair a little, “Yes obviously. When’d you become a mindreader?”

“It’s an old raider skill, obviously.”

Aveline watched Hawke shift nervously under her, but seem to relax after a moment or two, with the adrenaline of the fight ebbing. They managed to let the guardswoman they were helping know of things and finish their shopping without incident, at least, but those momentary lapses tugged at Aveline’s mind all day.

That night, when the group met in the Hanged Man for dinner, sorting out jobs and the like, Aveline found an excuse to tag along. She claimed it was just to make sure they weren’t getting into trouble, but in reality, she just wanted more chances to see how Hawke interacted with his other friends.

The group was clustered around the table in Varric’s suite, eating some nonsense off the Hanged Man’s menu and chatting over drinks. Aeyin sat next to Varric, seated sideways in his chair with his legs stretched out behind Merrill and Isabela’s seats, and he shifted between quiet asides with the dwarf about work, and joking along with everyone else. He’d declined anything alcoholic and was mostly picking at his dinner. Aveline kept her eyes roving about the room, watching people’s faces and moods - it kept her discomfort at being here at bay. The Captain of the Guard was just not the sort of person who fit in easily with this sort of group.

“So, how long before someone proposes cards and we all start losing money?” Anders leaned his chin on his palm, “Or are we not to gamble since we have such esteemed company tonight?” His gaze lingered on Aveline, and the woman barely bothered sparing him a glance back.

“I have no quarrel with you betting whatever you like on card games. I’m just here to find out if Hawke has any need of me for work this week.”

Carver, who had dragged himself in from his usual haunts, felt this discussion warranted his input, when it really didn’t. “Oh don’t you know, he has a new favorite warrior to pal around with. Neither of us are going to get any luck while he’s around.”

“Does someone want to hit him for me? I can’t be assed to reach that far.” Hawke was reclined against Varric’s seat and was looking over the lists of jobs the dwarf was holding - held together in groups by odd types of fabric.

Aveline and Fenris both took the chance to give Carver a swat on the arm, and since they were on either side of him and both rather strong, the lad made a loud - though mostly exaggerated - groan of pain at that. She gave the elf a small smirk over Carver’s head - it was taking Fenris a bit to warm up to the idea of ‘mild physical affection’ with this group, but he seemed to be doing well.

“Oh sure, you’ve got legions to command just to beat me, how nice of you, Brother.” Carver groaned, leaning forward and crossing his arms over his chest - hiding the fact he was rubbing at the sore spots. This was why sleeveless armor was a bit foolish.

“I assure you, I didn’t actually expect anyone to take me up on that.” Aeyin chuckled softly, “I thought I was going to have to egg Merrill into throwing a carrot at your face or something.”

“Oh no, I like my carrots thanks. He can have the potatoes though, I’ll throw them, if you like?” Merrill smiled over at Carver and it seemed to ease the boy’s sulkiness. Even as she took a bit of her potatoes to fling at his face. To the boy’s credit, he actually managed to catch some of it in his mouth.

Anders, it seemed, had decided to take that as an excuse to pick on them, “Oh please, let’s keep the dramatic sexual tension to a minimum here.” he made grand sweeping gesture with his hand, “First it’s bits of boiled potato, then it’s something really dangerous like chicken.”

“Minor food fights, oh the scandal. Quick, we have to arrange a wedding before this gets really out of hand.” Varric let the dry comment.

Carver was turning red in the face and burying his head in his arms, while Merrill stared about with wide-eyes. Aveline sighed through her nose, trying so hard not to smirk at the lad’s misfortune. Across from her, Isabela was laughing outright, pulling Merrill against her side to whisper an explanation of what they were joking about.

“If throwing food is a requirement of relationships, Fenris is going to have quite the interesting union with his house.” Hawke’s voice returned to the discussion, just a quiet and idle comment, and Aveline watched his eyes trail to the elf, and she followed his gaze.

Fenris, who had remained quiet and sober through most of this discussion, ducked his head a bit and seemed to be holding back the smile that was clearly cracking across his face. “It was a rather expensive wine, too.” he mumbled, “Perhaps it shall be quite the grand union then.” The amusement in his voice was minimal, but that combined with the little smile was very telling, and Aveline found herself curious at that, gaze flicking back to Hawke.

Aeyin’s gaze was a tad unfocused, but it was definitely pointed in Fenris’s direction, and he seemed almost disappointed for a moment before shaking it off and focusing his gaze elsewhere. Why he was disappointed, though, Aveline couldn’t figure, because if his intent had been to get a positive reaction from the elf, that was leaps and bounds of progress.

“We were discussing work weren’t we?” Varric brought the conversation back around, “After that we can play cards and let Hawke head home.”

This caught Aveline’s attention - why wouldn’t Hawke stay for cards? It certainly wasn’t her cup of tea most of the time, but he had never seemed the sort to turn down a friendly sort of activity. Her brows knit and she watched him oddly - maybe he really was ill.

Isabela seemed to be thinking on the same lines, “You don’t stay for cards, Hawke?”

“Can’t. Way too big a temptation. I’ve got to save money for the expedition, remember? Besides, I’m terrible.” Aeyin gave her a bright smile and waved it off. “Maybe when it’s over I’ll think about it. I should have wealth to burn by then, right?”

Anders seemed delighted by this notion, “It’d be good to have someone worse than me play, that’s for sure.” he did seem a bit pleased by the idea of Hawke sticking around. Or maybe that was just Aveline’s imagination.

“You say that, Blondie, but I’m pretty sure even Hawke’s better than you.” Varric shook his head, playing with the list of jobs they were planning on again.

Carver, whose face was still buried in his arms, muttered something under his breath. “If he can keep them facing the right way.” He seemed to find it mildly funny, at least according to the derisive snort he made and Aveline gave him another small shove for good measure. What did he mean, though?

“We have some business on the Wounded Coast in the next couple of days. I’m not sure who I’m taking just yet, so I’ll have to let everyone know when I decide. It may turn into a day-to-day thing since I don’t know how difficult some jobs are going to be. There’s a lot up in the air and we keep getting more piled on so.” Hawke gave a vague shrug, standing up and stretching, “You guys should get to your cards if that’s what you’re waiting for. I need to head home and get some sleep. I’ll probably have a clearer head hanging around somewhere that doesn’t smell as much of vomit.”

Carver looked up in annoyance at his brother and stuck out his tongue, “I was hoping to stay and play a round, Brother.”

“Go for it. I can make it half a block on my own.” Aeyin waved him off. “I think we cleared out most of the Lowtown gangs anyway.”

Aveline stood, “Just to be sure, I’ll go with you.” This was the chance she’d been waiting for to get him alone to talk. She needed to know for sure what was going on, if he was as ill as he seemed.

Hawke seemed surprised, blinking widely at her for a few moments before smiling. “Just be gentle if my mother asks why I’m being escorted home by the Captain of the Guard.” he took his staff from where it was left by the doorway and waited for her to follow him downstairs.

When they were outside, the night air felt chilly across her face, and Aveline felt the knot in her gut twist again. She walked closer to Hawke, fumbling over the words in her head. What if she was wrong? What if these were all just her wanting to be paranoid or still worrying after a one-time incident with a lot of weird magic going on. Hawke was sensitive to magic anyway, like Varric had said - Maker, she’d even have said that as well, remembering back when he’d been able to tell her what Flemeth later confirmed about poor Wesley. He’d known about the Darkspawn taint, even when it wasn’t clearly visible to the naked eye. Maybe being in a city surrounded by magic was just affecting him oddly and she was out of line to be wondering about these things and-

“Aveline, you’re wringing your hands and we passed my Uncle’s place already. If you want to talk to me, just say what’s on your mind.” Aeyin broke through the woman’s thoughts, putting a hand on her shoulder and giving her an easy smile. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been…worried about you, Hawke. Since Sundermount. You’ve been acting a little odd and you seem off-color. Isabela was even asking me if something’s wrong. And I just need to know for sure - is there something wrong, Hawke?” she turned and stared at him firmly.

The way Hawke flinched back a bit at that question and didn’t try to meet her gaze answered that for her, way more strongly than anything he could possibly say would. He clutched at his staff a bit, but he didn’t look like he was preparing to attack, more just nervously holding it. He stared at the ground and didn’t speak.

“There is, isn’t there?” Aveline sighed, “Look, I told Isabela it was probably nothing - I don’t know how well we can trust her and if there’s something wrong, I didn’t want her spreading rumors about you that could jeopardize things for you or your family. But as your friend, I need to know if something is seriously wrong. You’re planning on going into the Deep Roads and that’s too dangerous a place for you to just collapse ill.”

Aeyin’s gaze shot up to her, “I’m not ill, if thats - if that’s what you’re worried about. No. It’s - it’s nothing like that. I promise. I…look, what’s going on with me, Aveline, it’s nothing new, okay?” He shifted his weight around, possibly considering something, before stepping closer, “Do you remember when we’d first met? And I pulled you aside to let you know something was wrong with Wesley?” Hawke didn’t like bringing up her husband just randomly, so he had to have some sort of point he was getting at.

“Of course I do.” Aveline watched him carefully, wondering where this was going. “You knew because of that odd magic you have, right? You’re sensitive to it or something, that’s what Varric said. It’s why you were so offput by the trip to Sundermount.”

Hawke sighed, “Yes and no. There’s…there’s more to it than just that. But I can’t tell you, Aveline. Not even you. For the same reason I couldn’t fully tell you when I told you about Wesley - it’s not safe for me to do so. I can’t tell anyone, not till after the Deep Roads. We need this, Aveline. If I make enough in that venture, Mother will be set for life and it’ll be enough for Carver to have his freedom from all this, let him go actually get a career or something and when they’re secure, I’ll get out of people’s way and there’ll be no more - no more trouble for it. No more secrets, no more lies, none of that. You’ll all know and you can do with the information as you please. But I can’t tell you till then.”

His shoulders shook and his head hung at this admission. Aveline reached forward and pulled Hawke to her, putting her arms around him. She considered him family, at this point, and she trusted him well enough to know that if he wasn’t telling her, he had good reasons. Some of those reasons were probably ones that would have her keep him from the Expedition, or worse, but they were likely valid in their own way.

“If you’re sure, then fine. I won’t harass you for it. But please, Hawke, I’m asking you to be careful.” Aveline rubbed his back, hugging her friend close, “You’re a good friend, one of the few I have, and I’d hate to lose you over a nothing.”

When he pulled back to look at her, there were tears in his eyes, face reddening a bit. “I swear, Aveline, this isn’t nothing.” he took a hitched breath, “I…I didn’t have friends, back in Lothering. For good reason, really. It’s killing me a bit, not being able to tell you all. Having to lie like this. I know you guys put a lot of trust in me, and I hate that so much of that is built on a falsehood. But I can’t -” he steadied himself, took a deep breath and wiped his face. “I can’t just think of myself in this or what I want. I need to be careful and prioritize. It’s my family at stake here.”

“Alright. I promise, I’ll leave it alone till after you return.” Aveline gave him a wry smile, “For all I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her, Isabela does seem concerned for you as well. She was trying to check up on you earlier, and it seemed like an honest thing for a bit.”

“I did notice she was way more chatty and holding onto my arm a good deal more after you two talked. What’d you tell her, anyway?” Hawke gave her a slightly suspicious glance. The effect was hindered by his face still being a bit red and teary.

Aveline glanced away, “She asked if you didn’t handle crowds well and why you would reach for her or Merrill’s arm sometimes. I said you were probably thinking of your sister and habitually protecting her when you were in groups.”

This brought a dry chuckle to Hawke’s lips, that was interrupted in the middle by a hiccup as he continued trying to school his emotions. “You are not too far off base, there…” Aeyin reached up, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I did habitually reach for her, though not always to be protective. I miss Bethany a lot. Toting around with you, and Isabela, and Merrill, it’s not quite the same but it’s nice. I miss having a sibling I was close with, who didn’t resent me. She’d have adored you all.” His gaze turned distant again, staring past her into the night and it looked like more tears were threatening to fall.

The guardcaptain nodded, reaching out to put a steadying hand on his arm. “She was a good girl, from what I saw. And I don’t think Carver really dislikes you. He’s just at the ‘bit of a tit’ stage of growing up.”

Aeyin shook his head at that, turning and giving her a small smile that ripped at her heart, “Oh no, he hates me. A lot more than he lets on.” he gave a vague sort of wave of one hand, going back to holding onto his staff carefully, using it for balance. “Carver has…very good reason to resent me, honestly. I don’t blame him for it a bit. With Bethany gone, a lot more fell to him than….than - anyway. That’s another reason I have to do this. If I’m ever going to do right by my brother, I have to make it big on this Deep Roads expedition. It’s my only choice.”

Hawke stood up to his full height, his casual slouch dropped and he actually towered over her a bit. It looked less like he wanted to intimidate her than just steady himself. The shake in his shoulders was still present and the tremor that passed through his hand as he had to pry it away from his staff to reach up and scrub away more tears that were threatening to fall.

He turned away quickly, before Aveline had a chance to speak again, “Anyway, thank you for walking me home. I’ll see you later, Aveline. I need to get in before Gamlen or Carver stumble in drunk and I don’t have the quiet to get any planning done.” he mumbled, waving her a quick goodbye over his shoulder before walking back a short ways and up the stairs to his Uncle’s home.

She watched him go with uncertainty. What was it that he was hiding that could make him so positive his little brother hated him? For all Carver could be a complete brat, he never seemed to actually dislike Aeyin besides just wanting to get out of his shadow. The elder of the two just tended to be the more competent or noticeable, but she was sure when Carver did some growing up he’d easily be able to distinguish himself. What could be so secret between them to make this so very dangerous to share?

With a heave of breath and just as much on her mind as when she’d started the conversation, Aveline turned away and headed for home. There was no more she could do for him if he didn’t open up to her and didn’t have more to share. She’d promised to leave it alone and for now, that was all she could do and hope for his cooperation in future.


	7. Deep Roads, Deeper Troubles

“You know, I’m going to be damn glad when this whole expedition is over.” Aeyin was reclining at the table in Varric’s suite, carefully counting the coins in front of him to be absolutely sure there were enough in front of him. “But on the other hand, I’m kind of going to be glad to get out of Kirkwall for a bit. At least I know what the Darkspawn want with me.”

The dwarf at his side gave a soft laugh, “Yeah, between murderers, devious Chantry sisters, and all kinds of crazy magic, I bet you could use a break, huh?”

“No Templars, no Qunari, no politics, and plenty of shit I can see.” Aeyin agreed, weighing a couple of coins in his palm to make sure they were legitimate. “The Deep Roads are full of Darkspawn and Lyrium, and both those are very clear to me.”

“What do the Qunari even look like to you, anyway? We’re so rarely in discrete company anymore.” Varric sounded like he was smirking, and he craned his head to glance at the doorway again. Probably watching for Isabela trying to eavesdrop.

Aeyin thought distantly about the large horned figures with the weird tinge to their outline like a dragon’s. But that just made him remember the caged magic of the Saarebas and the strange binding stick, and he gave a powerful shudder. “Big horned outlines. S’about it.” he mumbled, but Varric probably knew that was a lie.

He raked a hand through his hair, bandana long tossed onto the table in frustration, and let out a heavy breath. “When this is over, I’m telling them. The whole group.”

Varric didn’t sound too keen on the idea as he spoke, “Alright, Hawke. But after the Deep Roads. Blondie’s already not keen on the place, and I don’t think his mage-crush on you will really stand the test of ‘am I crazy enough to enter the Deep Roads with a-” Immediately the dwarf cut himself off as the door to his suite was slammed open.

The figure stomping in immediately drew Hawke’s attention, but a quick glance over the boxy figure and he had a pretty good idea of who it was, even before the figure spoke. Carver stormed right up to his brother, fuming down at him as was only possible when Aeyin was seated. He’d never really gotten over their height difference.

“I heard the expedition is getting ready to leave. Tomorrow.” Carver snarled, hands balling into fists in the air. “That you’ve already paid up and packed your things and you were just going to leave me here, in the dust twiddling my thumbs. And no word to me on this either, I had to hear this from Gamlen.”

Aeyin waited for his brother to give a moment’s pause, leaning on his arm and looking up at Carver. “Yes and no. I was checking on something before I came to talk to you.” He gestured to the pile of coins beside him.

“What’s this supposed to be? A bit of pocket money to get me off your case?” Carver sounded disgusted and he made a motion as if to smack it off the table, but stayed his hand at the last second. “Is money all that matters now? Not loyalty or any of that? I’m your brother.”

Finally, Aeyin stood up. “Yes. You are. And you of all people know just how dangerous going on this expedition with me is.” he glared down at Carver and vaguely hoped he actually managed to catch his brother’s eye in this. “And I love you enough to not leave you with no option but to tag along with me if you don’t want to. That’s what I was looking into.”

He gestured beside him once more. “You’ve said you have no other way of getting a trade, no other future. There’s 50 sovereigns. It’s enough to get upgraded armor and weapons for you to go on the expedition, or for you to tell me to fuck off and go find some other trade you think suits you better. It’s your choice, Carver. I’m not making it for you.”

His brother was looking up at him and Aeyin so wished he could read his face. Carver, of all people, seemed to say so much with his face - whether it was intentionally to stab back at his elder brother or not. Something he could deliberately hide from him. Nothing he did ever seemed right by Carver, and he had no way of knowing how to please the boy, especially not now.

“You think I want some token offering while you go off and get glory? Something to keep me out of your hair? I see how it is, Brother.”

Once more, Aeyin sighed and raked a hand through his long black hair. “Carver, you’re being an asshat. I don’t know what more you want me to do. You are more than welcome to come along if that’s what you want but I’m not making you. Varric and I both have to go. And we’re taking Anders for safety reasons since he’s a Grey Warden. The last spot is yours first and foremost, but only if you’re sure. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you and I’m not requiring you to potentially toss it away just for this.”

“As if Mother would really let you go without me. She doesn’t even know Varric knows, I bet.” Carver was definitely pouting now, pulling back and crossing his arms and all of that.

“It isn’t her call.” Aeyin pointed out, taking his seat with a heavy thump, just letting his weight drop into it. He turned back to the table and shoved the coins into a bag, pulling its strings closed. He reached out, grabbing one of Carver’s hands and deposited the money firmly into it. “Get back here and tell me by tonight what you decide - either come back and tell me you’re not going or come back with your gear bought, packed and ready to go.”

His brother stood there seething for a few moments before turning on his heel and walking out. Soon as he was gone, Hawke set his arms on the table and leaned forward to bury his face in them, letting out a heavy hiss of breath. Varric put a hand on his back in a sympathetic gesture. Sometimes brothers were just a pain in the ass.

“Did I miss an argument or was that Carver’s dowry I saw him storming out of here with?” Fenris’s low gravelly voice was the new one to enter the picture, the elf still managing to move mostly in silence whenever he entered a place. It told a lot of Aeyin’s comfort with him that he didn’t even jump when there was suddenly a Fenris in his presence - that was just a thing he had to accept happening.

“If it were a dowry for Junior, we’d have to be paying Daisy to take him off our hands, not giving it to him.” Varric pointed out, giving Hawke another pat on the back before moving back to his seat. “He’s being a brat about the expedition.”

Fenris’s usual chair across from Hawke’s place creaked as it was pulled out and the elf’s voice came from there now. “I take it I shouldn’t hold my breath to take his place on this trip?”

“I wouldn’t anyway.” Aeyin lifted his head enough to rest his chin on his folded arms and look across at the elf’s outline, his distinct peaky spiky form in the dark. “I’m not a cruel enough person to make Varric put up with you and Anders together in an enclosed space for a few weeks.”

Not hearing that little laugh he got from Fenris sometimes was disheartening, but he left the matter alone. His jokes were pretty universally panned, the elf was no exception. But it was disappointing just the same - Fenris had a gorgeous little laugh and he heard it so rarely that trying to get him to laugh was important. Just a little something like that that unwound his posture even a fraction, for just a moment. Whenever he failed at that, Hawke felt just a little more like he had no idea how to form any sort of connection with Fenris, just a little more like he’d probably never reach him.

Hawke buried his face back into his arms so he didn’t go off just staring disappointedly at Fenris - that was rude. Plus would probably just make things worse rather than better. Staring awkwardly at people didn’t tend to make them warm up faster, it tended to just make them think you were weird.

“I appreciate the courtesy, Hawke, truly.” Varric, being a proper best friend, jumped right back into the conversation to leave it from wallowing in Aeyin’s awkwardness. “Knowing Junior, he’ll probably tag along anyway. Aveline said she’s all packed up in case he didn’t want to, but I’m betting he will.”

Fenris tapped his fingers softly on the table, “I shall hope for you all to have a safe return then.” he sounded a bit put off and Aeyin had to lift his head to look up again to check if his posture was as uncomfortable as his voice seemed. The elven warrior was shifting around in his seat and turning away from them then back, rolling his shoulders as he did.

“I think I’m going to go check on another drink downstairs. Maybe stretch my legs.” Varric stood, nudging Hawke in the back as he passed. “Talk to him, Hawke.” he mumbled as he went by and was immediately audible heading downstairs.

Fenris turned a bit, facing the doorway and Aeyin found his eyes tracing the shape of his nose while his face was briefly more in profile, following that down into the odd way he quirked his lips. That was lost again as the elf turned back, cursing quietly in Tevene.

“He thinks I cannot hear when he does that.” Fenris seemed pretty annoyed by that, and it was enough for Aeyin to chuckle at, sitting back in his seat.

“I don’t think he does, he’s just whispering to be polite.” Hawke stretched back once more in his chair, “Though, we should probably worry if he’s abandoned us with encouragement to talk just after we got done cracking jokes about Carver’s dowry.”

This time, he heard that tiny huff that accompanied the softest of chuckles from Fenris. Aeyin automatically scrubbed at his face to try and hide the automatic blush that colored his cheeks. Seriously, that was all it took to get him blushing? Ugh. Apparently his ‘type’ was ‘really hard to please with a gorgeous voice and a really nice frame’.

“You know Hawke, sometimes I really can’t read you.” Fenris muttered, ears twitching about even when his head wasn’t turning all over. Always alert, always coiled to spring in case of danger. Even in softer moments.

The statement still caught Aeyin by surprise, especially as he processed it, still so focused on just reading everything about Fenris’s posture. “Me? That’s -” his brows knit in confusion a moment before he just raised one, “I’m pretty sure the feeling’s mutual there, Fen.”

“I realize I’m…difficult at times.” Fenris admitted, giving another of those soft chuckles that sounded so much lighter than the rest of his moods, shoulders untensing for a just a few moments.

Aeyin found himself smiling as well, his own tension easing as he stretched out his legs in front of him, just sitting back to enjoy the company - till he realized a very important fact. Stretching his legs under this table when his companion was directly across from him was going to result in one of them kicking the other and immediately, the serenity of the moment was broken and he found himself laughing. Which, of course, Fenris seemed pretty confused by, if his sudden perking of his ears was anything to go by - it was one of the few times the outline of them was noticeable.

“I’m sorry, I distracted myself by almost kicking you.” Hawke scrubbed at his face once more, brushing his hair away from it, tucking a strand behind one of his ears. “I was about to stretch my legs out when I remembered you’re across from me and that’s why I don’t sit properly at this table.”

Fenris settled down and kicked at one of Aeyin’s shins, “I had wondered about that, it’s true.” there was clear mirth in his voice by now, even when he wasn’t directly laughing, “If you intend to start playing cards with us after your expedition, your habit of sitting sideways won’t serve. We shall just have to learn to compromise.”

“Oh, will we now?” Hawke asked, leaning forward and putting his chin in his hand, stretching his legs out properly under the table now. It was as playful a challenge as he was going to get into at this point, but Fenris being in good humor had emboldened him. Besides, he wouldn’t be seeing the elf for a few weeks yet.

His “challenge” was greeted by Fenris setting his heels firmly onto Aeyin’s shins, and taking a posture that was just as confident. “What you fail to realize, Hawke, is this gives me an advantage if we’re ever playing cards. I will have a much easier time kicking you from this vantage than you have of kicking me.”

Given Hawke’s feet were now under the edge of Fenris’s chair, this was true. However, tilting his leg just a bit he was able to push back on one of the lower rungs, tipping it just slightly. “You may have that advantage, but I have this one.” He didn’t actually have the strength to do more than slightly tip the chair, especially when Fenris dug his heels into Aeyin’s ankles, but it was well worth it for the comeback.

“Compromise it shall have to be, then, Hawke.” the response was deadpanned, but given he’d relaxed his posture again after his chair was released, crossing his ankles and letting them continue to rest on Aeyin’s legs, he seemed alright with this setup.

Not that they’d really be needing this compromise so much - after all, it wasn’t like Aeyin could play cards with them. Even after the expedition, his excuse of not having money wouldn’t be there, but his reason of just being unable to see the cards wouldn’t be. Hawke had absolutely no way he’d ever be able to realistically join them, and they’d probably realize that when he was able to tell them - if he managed to do that without panicking and botching it. And that’s when it hit him.

A slow smirk built on Aeyin’s face and he stood up. “Fenris, you just gave me a brilliant idea.” he said, sliding his legs out from under the elf’s to pull away from the table and stand. “I just remembered something I need to talk to Varric about before the expedition. If I don’t run into you again before tomorrow, be safe and enjoy the peace and quiet while I’m away. I look forward to playing cards with you on my return.” he gave the elf a sweeping bow before dashing downstairs to go find Varric.

He had a way to reveal it to them. He had a way to get through this. And the freedom of feeling that light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, the key to escaping his own web of lies, it was so very uplifting. He could make it through the Deep Roads with this plan in mind - he had to. Carver would have to make up his mind because they’d be ready to set off in the morning, and in a few weeks, they’d be back and he’d be free to open up to his friends about everything, and let Carver go off and live his life just as he planned.

Too bad the Deep Roads themselves found ways to quash this good mood. It had started small, with them needing to find an extra path around, locate a lost member of the expedition. Then things had ramped up - finding that damn idol with its sickening look to the lyrium making it seem like some sort of disgusting blighted form of the stuff that glowed red to Aeyin. He could have sworn just finding and having to deal with that thing would be enough, but instead Bartrand had stolen away with it and left them for dead.

The walls being lit up with lyrium - both red and not - just started feeling normal after a while. The demons and ‘Profane’ that attacked them instead of darkspawn in these parts were certainly something that took a bit to get used to, but after a while Aeyin just felt glad he could see. Between being able to hear Bianca, see all of those things, pick out Anders with ease, Carver was the only darkness in the room he really had to miss in combat.

The Rock Wraith felt like a spectacle and by the time they’d defeated it, Hawke’s senses felt dulled. He could barely sense the world around him - honestly, they’d been feeling dull and burnt out for a while now with all this magic around. Beating it and getting out of the tomb felt like the best thing in the world. He didn’t complain about much, just loaded up with treasure - or rather, let Varric load him up since he couldn’t tell what any of it was half the time. They stood a chance of making it out of this place alive. That was when the Deep Roads decided to amp things up again.

It had been a few days since they’d found the exit from the Thaig, there’d been a few darkspawn fights on the way, but fighting something blighted had felt like a normal twinge on the senses after all of that. Hawke had spent most of his life barely ever having to see magic and relying mostly on his Perception, and now he seemed to be inundated by it frequently. He’d just been musing on this when Varric’s voice broke through his thoughts.

“We’ve back where we started. And in only five days. Not bad, eh?” Varric asked and Aeyin vaguely wondered if the statement was for his benefit.

Behind them, Carver spoke up. “Think we could…take a break? I feel…wrong.” His voice sounded odd, like his nose was stuffed but not quite.

Hawke turned to give his little brother a once over, though he’d never really be able to see obvious signs of sickness outside of his posture. He’d been about to suggest they make camp when he saw it. A familiar patch of sick looking monstrous Blight, eating away inside Carver the same way it had inside Aveline’s husband as they’d escaped Lothering.

“No…” he found himself barely breathing, voice catching in his throat. Not Carver, please. Aeyin was already turning to step closer to him, already ready to catch him, seeing the wobbly way he was standing.

Varric hadn’t caught on yet, facing away from them, giving a chuffed laugh, “I’ll wager it was those Deep Mushrooms we found.” Just a joke about Carver being sick from eating something, typical Carver. But how could he know?

“No, it’s…” the younger Hawke mumbled, pitching forward, losing his strength at last.

Aeyin caught him around the middle, kneeling carefully to lower his brother’s weight easier, hopefully stopping him from hitting as badly.

“It’s the Blight. I can sense it.” Anders sounded concerned, at least, and he probably could sense it as well as Aeyin could see it right now.

Carver muttered what his brother was already thinking, “Just like that Templar…Wesley. I’ll be just as dead…Just as gone…”

“I’m not going to let that happen.” Aeyin snapped. He couldn’t! How in the blazes had he let his baby brother - his only brother - get this bad off and not see it? Resting himself from the damn Thaig? They were in the bloody Deep Roads! He couldn’t let his guard down like that, not with Carver along, not with all their lives depending on him not cocking this up.

It seemed Carver was intent on already giving up, “I’m not going to make it…Not to the surface, not anywhere. It’s getting worse.” As if Aeyin couldn’t bloody see that. Didn’t know in intricate detail just how bad it was infecting him.

“There might be something we can do…” Anders offered, almost consideringly.

“ANYTHING.” the elder Hawke was trying so hard not to sound completely desperate, like he was losing his mind with this.

“I stole the maps from a Warden that had come to Kirkwall. I wanted to know if he was looking for me - he wasn’t. The maps were for planning their own expedition in the Deep Roads.”

Aeyin’s eyes were wide and he looked up, but he was losing articulation fast. And that wasn’t all. If it weren’t for the dim glow of Justice and his usual Grey Warden taint, Aeyin wouldn’t have been able to know where to look to see Anders - his Perception was blanking out.

“If the Wardens are here, I know where. We could bring Carver to them…”

Carver seemed intent on talking, even when he honestly should have been saving his strength, “And what? Become a Grey Warden?”

Aeyin looked at where he knew his brother was in his arms, the little brother whose face he didn’t even know, “Carver, come on. If there’s even a chance, we must take it. I’m not letting you die down here for nothing.”

“Then I hope I’m right.” Anders mumbled, and his glimmer of magic moved away.

Moving carefully, Aeyin leaned Carver on Varric so he could turn and pull his weakened brother up onto his back to carry him, just like when Carver’d been a boy and needed to be carried home from somewhere.

“How do you plan on casting…with me up here?” Carver mumbled against his brother’s shoulder, too weak to really protest otherwise. “We get in a fight against anything and you’re-”

“Going to blow it to smithereens.” he snarled, barely even thinking of that response.

Carver chuckled quietly, going mostly limp against him. Occasionally, he’d stir and mumble something, a crack about stupid things or a quiet comment intended for Bethany, probably remembering things from when they were young. Aeyin didn’t prod him about it - or tell him and Varric how little he could see. That his only guideline right now was a twinge of spirit and taint inside Anders’ gut that he had to follow like a wisp, praying he didn’t stumble over rocks or holes or anything else.

It was a decent detour and Aeyin tried to keep calm, using his staff to smack away rocks and debris in front of him, testing the ground with it rather than relying on his out-of-function abilities like he normally would. Anders stopping up ahead and the sight of more tainted creatures nearby and he barely had to ask what they were stopping about.

“I think they’re nearby…” Anders mumbled when Aeyin gave him a pointed look, “…Oooor it could be darkspawn.” that cheerful little jibe as the creatures sounded, confirming what Hawke already thought.

“Welcome to the Deep Roads, great hoards of bloody darkspawn and shit to ruin your day.”

Hawke was doing his best to be cheerful, whipping magic at the beasts with abandon. His motion was limited, carrying Carver, but his vehement desire to protect his injured baby brother, to make up for letting him get hurt to begin with, was more than enough to make up for that limited motion or lack of Perception.

At least Wardens were easy to pick out, their taint contained and flowing in a more human pattern than that of the darkspawn, which just ebbed freely throughout them. Aeyin didn’t pay a lot of attention to Anders and the lead Warden’s back and forth, too busy helping his brother down and into a standing position. No one was going to get that good an impression of Carver seeing him being hefted around by his big brother.

The Warden was making some statement about how they ‘didn’t recruit Grey Wardens out of pity’ and Aeyin vaguely wanted to say ‘no they apparently recruit out of the barrel of assholes’ but that wasn’t really going to help so he just gave a pointed look. Let Anders do the talking. He’s good at talking - maybe not as good as Varric, but he was pretty good at talking it seemed.

“If the boy comes, he comes now. And you may not see him again. Being a Grey Warden is not a cure - it is a Calling.” the Warden seemed intent on getting on Aeyin’s bad side. If it weren’t for his dying brother mattering vastly more, he’d wonder about the stick in the man’s ass and how the Blight affected it.

“Are you sure about this?” Carver’s voice sounded so weak, and that sickness was spread so truly through him.

He couldn’t lie to his brother, say he had a damn clue about this. “I wish it hadn’t worked out this way.” he said softly and that was the best he could do.

“Then…I guess this is it…Take care of Mother…” Carver’s voice was coming in soft pants of breath, and the lead Warden was already walking over to take him from Aeyin’s grasp.

The group walked away, leaving just Anders, Varric and Hawke himself in the darkness, and a heavy weight settled over the man’s chest. Even if they made it out of this alive, he’d lost his brother. He’d tried to give Carver a choice for his future, to choose this expedition or some other career, and instead had put him in a situation where his only options were death or a life that would be of torment and sacrifice.

Aeyin waited till they had walked a distance away before launching a fireball at a nearby rock, doing his best not to stumble or collapse. He had no idea what the area around him looked like, if he was about to walk into a fucking wall or off a cliff and if it weren’t for Anders and Varric, he wouldn’t care either.

“I know this is hard on you, Hawke, but we did the best we could.” Anders was trying to be soothing, and honestly, if it were any other situation, it might have worked. Credit to him for being a good healer and good at comforting people, he guessed.

Collapsing to his knees, Aeyin glared at the darkness around him. He couldn’t even make out his own knee in front of his face when he bent it up, seemingly trying to fix his boot. He didn’t speak for a while, just huffed at the darkness. How was he supposed to tell Varric that this was an emergency, he could see nothing without telling Anders? And he really really didn’t think now was a good time to tell Anders, because the other mage had literally just helped them out of a huge situation, and giving the guy more grief than he already was felt like a dick move. Everything felt like a dick move or a mistake. This was all a foolish idea. The weight of his, as well as Carver’s pack on his shoulders served as a reminder of why they were here, but what did treasure and a chance at status for his mother matter when he’d lost the most important thing on this trip?

“Talk to us, Hawke. We can’t lose you to moodiness in the middle of the Deep Roads.” Varric was…somewhere. He didn’t have the energy to track where the dwarf’s voice was coming from. Soon enough, he didn’t have to, as he felt the weight of one of Varric’s palms on his back.

“Carver’s strong enough, he can make it through the Joining.” Anders suggested, that tiny wisp of spirit and taint moving to his other side, sitting nearby and placing a hand on his arm. Anders was really thin, seriously. Weren’t Grey Wardens supposed to have crazy appetites?

Gripping the fabric of his boot just to have something to pull onto and be frustrated at, though the boots really wouldn’t go any higher, Aeyin tried to regain his focus enough to speak. “This was supposed to be the thing that got Carver his freedom.” he snarled the words through gritted teeth. He let go of the boot and kicked his leg forward, knocking another rock astray. “Mother would be taken care of, set for life. Carver would have enough money to get any apprenticeship he wanted, get any bloody career he desired in the whole world. I’d go back to obscurity and he could enjoy whatever limelight he wanted.”

“He made the choice to come on this trip, he knew the risks, same as the rest of us.” Anders spoke firmly, “Come on. We’re almost out of this, and it’ll do your mother no favors for her to lose both her children to this.”

Taking a deep breath through his nose, Aeyin nodded. It was less the man’s words he focused on, and more just that thin arm on his. Trying to will himself to Perceive the shape, to pick out where that arm would follow up the outline into the feathered pauldrons and a head with a messy ponytail. Pick out what was there beyond what he could feel or the spark of magic there. It was difficult, but he could almost read out the shape.

A new wave of determination hit him and swiftly, Hawke picked up his staff once more and pulled himself to his feet. “Come on. Let’s get out of here. When this stuff sells, Anders, I’m making you a 5 course dinner so you bloody eat, you twig of a mage.” he gave a wild smirk in their direction, the pair’s shapes fading in and out of view. “And maybe I’ll even join you assholes for cards and show you just how bad I am at playing. Let’s go.” and he turned on his heel and marched into the darkness ahead.

“Well…’you twig of a mage’ is certainly one of the nicer things I’ve been called in my life.” Anders observed behind him as they followed the path back towards the way home.

“You are pretty puny, Blondie.” Varric observed, darting ahead to keep up with Hawke’s long strides, feet making a swift pattering on the stone, “Now what’s all this about you joining us for cards?”

“Well I’d offer to just buy you a drink, Varric, but that’s mostly implicit and I can’t help you ritualistically dismember Bartrand at this juncture, so I’ve got nothing to dramatically declare I’m going to do for you when we get out of here.”

“I figured, but cards? You?” Varric sounded incredulous. Which was probably a reasonable thing for him to feel at this point. Hawke really hadn’t gotten around to telling him of his plan before they came down here, Carver had distracted them by coming to declare he was going along once more.

Aeyin chuckled dryly, “Yup. Me. If we want a surefire way to let everyone know at once, seems like a good way to do it.’

This brought an amused hum from the dwarf, “Hawke, you never cease to amaze me. When we get back, we’re definitely playing cards.”

“Now I’m wondering what you two are plotting.” Anders sounded amused, catching up to the two. “Anyway, don’t get too ahead of me. I’m still the one with the maps, remember.”

Hawke was going to probably be a miserable wreck again once he got out of this. But first he needed to get his friends out of the deadly situation and tell his mother what was going on. Then maybe just destroy the rest of his friendships with a revelation of the truth he’d been keeping from them.

As it turned out, he wasn’t able to arrange that fateful game of cards as soon as they left. His mother was distraught over losing Carver and with Aeyin still feeling guilty over losing Bethany, he didn’t even need her to lay blame on him for Carver to feel like it was his fault. The pain of it, the way his mother all-but-stopped speaking to him for a time, it was crippling. His Perception had returned briefly in the Deep Roads, but it hadn’t stayed gone long, vanishing near completely when he was left alone with his thoughts.

The distractions of selling their gains and getting the estate for his mother gave Aeyin an excuse to duck out of sight and social circles, quietly vanishing for a while till he regained some semblance of himself. It was a few months before he was truly able to put his plan into fruition. One night of Wicked Grace that would determine if Aeyin Hawke sank fully into obscurity, vanishing off the map forever if possible, or if the friendships he gained before the Expedition could withstand the truth.


	8. Wicked and Graceless Lies

It had been some time since Hawke and company had returned from the Deep Roads - a couple of months at least. Varric had been back to his usual haunts, slightly busier with various activities, but Hawke himself had vanished from any social circles. Fenris assumed this was likely due to him taking the loss of his brother poorly, though he couldn’t be sure. The peace was a nice change, but the elf had to admit he missed the company.

He’d found rather quickly that his initial discomfort being in close association with a mage ebbed in favor of a rather comfortable friendship with Hawke. Fenris still was wary of mages and not at all keen on anyone trying to convince him of their better merits, but Hawke seemed less the sort to try and convince him of things than just do as he saw fit and let that do the talking for him. The majority of the group seemed to have a good idea of how to handle boundaries, and Hawke was no exception to this. Fenris was actually a little amazed at how well he was warming up to some of the more physical parts of friendship with this group.

But then again, where he came from, one didn’t smack their friends on the arm for bad jokes or being childish. Everything was artifice, controlled, and touches that weren’t meant to actually damage were only given to equals, and he certainly had been no one’s equal. It made him attending group events a stab at his old position. Being free meant nothing if he continued to behave as he had before, letting himself be shunted into a corner until he was useful. So invitations were frequently considered, even if it was just to go play cards for a few hours at a seedy tavern.

That was one of the things that brought Fenris back around to missing Hawke, even as he entered the Hanged Man for their weekly game of Wicked Grace. Out of all of them, Aeyin Hawke was the most likely to go out of his way to just invite Fenris somewhere, even if his skills weren’t necessary, just because he felt like the elf would enjoy going along or might want to feel included. Little jokes and remarks just for him, the same sort of treatment he gave anyone else. Honestly, sometimes it even felt like he might have given Fenris more exclusive attention at times - after all, he had never seen anyone else able to make Hawke blush as often or as easily as he himself could.

Color him quite surprised when, for the first time in months, Fenris entered Varric’s suite to find Hawke already seated in his usual spot next to the dwarf. Seeing that spot empty at dinners and discussions, even when Varric had returned to hosting the group, it had felt cold, dreary. Colder than the space between him and Aveline that sat empty, a grim reminder of a person who would likely never join them again. A small smile cracked on his face as he spotted Hawke, gliding silently around the table to take up his seat.

Hawke’s gaze was distant, which always seemed to happen when he was lost in thought, and he didn’t actually seem to have noticed Fenris entering the room - it was one of the few things about the man’s behavior towards him that sat oddly. As a slave, no one paid attention to him unless it was called - usually with the intent of intimidating someone, so being ignored was normal. With Hawke, he seemed to make a conscious effort to greet everyone, but tended to miss Fenris till he said something, at which point the mage would be delighted to see him.

He’d bothered to have his chair fixed in the months since the expedition - the squeak of it had been driving him mad whenever he moved - and Fenris was pleased when he pulled it out and it didn’t make a sound. Hawke’s long legs were already stretched under the table and the elf found mild amusement in remembering his last discussion with the man before his trip. ‘Compromise’. It was so hard not to laugh when he sat down and rested his ankles on Hawke’s and the man almost jumped out of his seat in surprise.

“Oh, Fenris. Hey.” Hawke laughed, smacking a hand to his face at his own surprise, “You de-squeaked your chair while I was gone?”

Of all the things to focus in on, that? Fenris raised a brow at him but shook his head, stretching back in his seat as Hawke retracted his legs for the time being. A shame, really, his shins were nice to rest on - certainly better than the floor in here.

Instead, he asked the obvious. “Are you actually going to join us tonight?” Hawke hadn’t even come by for the occasional dinner with the group, let alone their card games. Now he had the funds to play, but would he truly join them?

“As a matter of fact, I am.” there was a twinkle of mischief in those honey-colored eyes that Fenris couldn’t quite explain, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

To his left, Varric was shaking his head and checking over their usual deck of cards. A usual pre-game ritual, making sure no extra cards had been left in the deck from various parties cheating throughout the evening. The dwarf looked a little incredulous, but he made no comments on the subject, so Fenris left it alone.

Soon enough, the rest of the usual players filed in, along with Aveline, who only periodically joined them these days. There were quite a few happy cheers at seeing Hawke among their company again and Fenris honestly couldn’t blame any of them. The man was a general font of good cheer, and seeing him so conspicuously absent and having not talked to him had hurt a bit - it had probably hurt the others worse. They seemed to feel things more keenly.

As they all took up their usual seats, Fenris noticed quite a few quiet glances at Hawke. Little worried looks from certain parties - Aveline, Isabela and Anders in particular - who seemed to be looking to make sure Hawke was alright. Isabela was the most subtle about it, getting up from her seat to wander over and steal a sip of Hawke’s drink - Hawke didn’t seem partial to liquor so he always had something else, and Isabela always wanted to try it - or giving him a once-over when she went to retrieve her extra cards that had been removed from the main deck by Varric. Aveline didn’t bother with much tact on the matter, sternly looking Hawke’s way and sizing him up whenever he so much as moved. Anders - well, that mage just seemed to like looking at Hawke anyway, so half the time his glances ended in slight blushing anyway, which Fenris wasn’t positive why he minded so much.

For his part, Hawke seemed modestly cheerful. How he managed to not be put off by people staring at him was beyond Fenris, but the elf left it be. He was paler than before, maybe a little thinner, but that was to be expected of someone who had come back from weeks underground to shut himself away in grief for a time. What he noticed the most, however, was that Hawke looked particularly distracted now and then, especially as the cards were dealt.

Varric dealt the games and it became immediately apparent that Hawke had…absolutely no idea what he was doing, cardswise. He’d said forever ago that he was bad at the game, but that was inaccurate. Being bad at it required some measure of luck or understanding of the rules that was failing. With Hawke, it was more like he just didn’t know what he was doing and was playing it entirely by ear.

“Hawke, do you need any help?” Isabela leaned her chin in her hand, fanning herself with her cards, watching Hawke at the end of her row with lowered lashes. She’d been just as unsubtle offering to help or teach Merrill when she’d started playing with them, and still did. It was just a regular part of their game really.

Varric chuckled, “Don’t worry, Rivaini, you just look out for Daisy. I’ve got Hawke covered.” The dwarf seemed a lot more subtle in his ‘help’ than Isabela was. Where she’d openly chatter to Merrill about her cards, the dwarf mostly just reached over and poked a few cards, having Hawke rearrange them or something.

“If you’re sure. Hawke, you could be doing a lot better if you let me help you, just so you know.” Isabela cooed, and Fenris couldn’t hide his smile. That woman cared way too much for her ‘shallow’ act to ever be completely believable.

At his end of the table, Anders was glaring at his hand again, “No one ever offers to help me play better.” he groused.

“That’s because there is no help for you.” Fenris was so glad Isabela took the bait so he didn’t have to. It was too easy a setup, really.

Varric shifted a few of the cards in his hand, “Now now, Blondie, you know winning would just ruin the whole moody mage look you have going on.”

“Do you have any idea what’s going on?” Merrill was leaning over to Hawke, resting her head against his arm for a moment, her hand completely visible to him. “I’m a little lost.”

Hawke shook his head, reaching up to tug his bandana loose and letting a few long black locks fall from it as he did. “I haven’t the foggiest, Merrill.”

“Are those two cards supposed to go together?” she poked her hand at two of Hawke’s cards, and Fenris was pretty sure this was not how one properly played cards at all, but that was probably the point. They were having a good time, being completely unprofessional or improper or what have you, and it was so far from the games of chance he’d witnessed in Tevinter.

Hawke looked down at Merrill and shrugged a bit, less wide and open than he normally would so he wouldn’t jostle her, “I wouldn’t know, I just smile and nod when Varric tells me if my hand’s good or not.”

“Oh good, so I’m not the only one.”

Fenris bit his lip to hide a smile. At least in here, this wasn’t a matter of magic and demons and it was possible to almost like Merrill. Almost. She still wasn’t his preferred company, by far, but she was far less likely to be trouble focused on a hand of Wicked Grace than she was otherwise. And Hawke’s indulging her in this was far less dangerous than in anything else.

The hands played on and the elf found, with some amusement, that Hawke’s main problem was he had absolutely no consistency in his gambling. His bluffs were hard to call because one couldn’t actually tell if he was bluffing or not, since his responses to his hand seemed arbitrary. If he was planning on throwing them off with chaos, it was certainly working.

After Hawke put down yet another nothing hand that he’d called as straight nothing, Anders threw up his hands in frustration.

“I could have won that one! I knew you had nothing, dammit! Ugh. You are the worst at bluffing in Thedas.” the blonde mage hung his head dramatically, though it was all for show.

A silent glance passed from Hawke to Varric, causing Fenris to raise a brow curiously. Just what was that look all about? He didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

“I don’t know, Blondie, he’s doing pretty good so far. Went the entire night without anyone actively questioning if he could see his cards.” the dwarf spread his arms wide as if this were a very telling assertion. For all Fenris knew, it very well could have been but what did that even mean?

For the first time in a while, he took the bait and spoke, “Why exactly would we be questioning that?” Hawke’s bluffs weren’t ludicrous, just mediocre and all over the place.

The mysterious twinkle returned to Hawke’s eyes, though he was focusing on poking at the cards he’d put on the table, rather than on anyone in particular. “You would if you knew I’m blind.”

Silence fell on the room. The idle chatter and rustle of everyone’s personal belongings pulled to a sudden halt as those words fell from his lips. Fenris didn’t really have the time or ability to glance around at anyone else, too focused on staring at Hawke’s face, looking for a twinge of falsehood, a smile to hint this was a joke. What did he mean he was blind? How? What?

After a few moments of the continued silence, Hawke tapped his cards on the table, not looking up at anyone in particular, instead just picking up the cards and turning them oddly. No smirks, no smiles, no ‘haha, I got you’. Just letting the words hang in the air and leaving them there for anyone to question, but no one was.

The only sound in the room was those cards on the table till Merrill finally spoke. “Oh. So that’s why you never care how messy my house is.”

Immediately it felt like the glass of the situation shattered and it began to settle in as reality. Blind. Hawke was Blind. Aeyin Hawke was BLIND. How long had he been blind? Was this just something that happened in the Deep Roads and why he was gone so long? But neither Anders nor Varric had mentioned him being seriously injured? And he looked completely unharmed, so…

Fenris stared forward at his face, trying to meet those honey-golden eyes. Eyes that couldn’t see his. That couldn’t see him smile across the table at a successful joke, and that’s why he seemed to look so disappointed after some of them for absolutely no reason. And yet…when they’d met, hadn’t Hawke called him handsome with some measure of ease and sincerity? Was that just some manner of joke to him?

His face flushed hotly, blood starting to boil at this. How much of anything said to him was a game? How long had Hawke been hiding this fact from them? A fact that could easily put every one of them in danger. Following an apostate mage was bad enough, but a blind one? They let someone who couldn’t see where they were going navigate them through caves and dungeons and fights? They let someone who likely had no idea where he was casting fight alongside them? Fenris clenched his fists and stood so fast his chair fell over with a loud thunk.

The motion seemed to catch Hawke’s attention, and he winced visibly, glancing towards Fenris for a moment then back at the cards he was playing with. He knew Fenris stood because he’d heard the chair hit the floor. He’d missed Fenris entering the room earlier till he touched him because the chair didn’t squeak anymore and the elf hadn’t said anything. He was focusing on those cards in front of him…because no one had said anything yet or really moved, beyond Merrill, and he was waiting for the reactions. Because he couldn’t just look around and see Isabela’s widened eyes, Aveline seething, Anders battling to make his jaw work.

“How long.” Fenris demanded, and it certainly didn’t feel like a question, it didn’t even feel like a single thought. How long had this been going on? How long had he planned on hiding it? How long did he think being coy would get him by in this?

Hawke kept his gaze fixed on the cards in his hand, turning them over and letting them click against the table, maybe he was lost in thought. “Long enough.” he said at last, and it sounded like an admission. Spoken so very quietly, yet it didn’t hold any answers, did it?

“What’s that supposed to mean, Hawke?” Aveline demanded from her seat, fists clenched before her, hands shaking.

Fenris watched Hawke take a deep breath, counting the seconds of his pause. “Long enough for it to be wrong not to tell you. Long enough for it to be a deception and not purely an omission. Long enough to be dangerous.” So he knew. He admitted he knew it wasn’t right, that it was dangerous. And he still hadn’t told them till now. Till after his precious Deep Roads Expedition. Till after he had what he wanted.

Any goodwill the elf had for him felt like it was burning away. Playing dangerous games, just like every other mage. Thinking he had the right to do whatever he pleased as long as it suited his goals. He’d dragged his own brother into the Deep Roads, knowing that could be a death sentence, and he hadn’t cared, had he? At the back of his mind, moments tugged at him that didn’t match this assessment, but right then he didn’t care. Right then his anger was in full force and the hurt and betrayal along with it.

Aveline had broke out yelling at him, and Anders was babbling something about thinking it insane he went in the Deep Roads with someone who couldn’t see. Varric, it seemed, was remaining quiet, because he’d known - of course he’d known. He’d been helping hide things the whole time, probably. Isabela was mostly just staring in awe. It seemed like the only person who wasn’t outright offended…was the damn blood mage.

Seated next to Hawke, Merrill was watching his hands. Fenris didn’t know why he was focusing in on her, too upset to speak any further, to focus on shouting over others, but also too hurt to move. Hawke had deceived them all and he wanted it not to be true. He wanted some sort of explanation to make this all better somehow, even if none existed. Was that what she was looking for too, or had she already made some sort of decision on this?

“That’s why you’re sensitive to magic, isn’t it?” her voice cut through the room, so very gently was it asked. “Or is it the other way around?”

What was she even talking about? Fenris still felt too messed up to fully handle this but Merrill’s question seemed to stick with him for some reason. Sensitive to magic. The other way around? What sense did that even make? Whatever it was, the question seemed to have stalled Anders in the middle of an anxiety driven tangent, for which Fenris was grateful.

He was not so grateful for was when the blonde mage spoke again. “Sensitive to - what’re you talking about?” Because of course he didn’t know. The one thing that mage was good for was knowing obscure magic nonsense and instead he was just as lost.

“I see magic.” Hawke said with a mild shrug, and it seemed as if his resignation to silence had finally left. “If it’s magic or anything of the like, I can see it. Darkspawn? Yup. Demons? Definitely. Fenris doing the glowy thing? Damn skippy.” he gestured vaguely across the table at the elf. “Whatever you’ve got going on over there? Can’t miss it.” This time he gestured down at Anders. “No idea what Aveline’s face looks like, or Varric’s fabled chest hair or what color my brother’s eyes were, but I know when someone’s about to cast a spell on me and what kind it’ll be. Just lovely, isn’t it?”

The words were sharp, bitter, and they didn’t seem like Hawke at all - but then again, he didn’t really know the real Hawke did he? Maybe all those times Carver complained about his brother were a bit more spot on than they seemed. After all, if anyone knew, it was him. And now he was gone, maybe alive as a Grey Warden somewhere, but still shoved off to some other life because of his brother.

“So you were just waiting around till when to tell us? After you got everything you wanted?” Fenris snapped. He could hear Aveline muttering ‘Fenris, don’t’ to his right, feel her try to put a hand on his arm by he shrugged it off. “You’re just as selfish as any other mage, aren’t you?” There were mild protests from Anders and Merrill on that one - because there always were but he didn’t care and he wasn’t listening to them. His entire attention was on Hawke.

The man stood up in a flash, leaning on the table and eyes narrowed, and it was hard to tell how he couldn’t be looking right at Fenris, other than the fact his gaze was just slightly off, not quite meeting his eye.

“Yes, alright? That was the plan. Because if anyone found out before the expedition, there was a chance of someone stopping me or it getting back around to Bartrand, and then there went my family’s hopes. And that was the only thing I could ever hope to do for my family was give them some form of security to make up for the years of being a burden on them. Soon as Mother was settled comfortably and Carver had enough to run off and take whatever career he fancied? I was going to leave. No more making anyone else deal with my problems, especially not my family. Especially not Carver.”

His voice was catching and his arms shook, but his gaze stayed on Fenris’s face, even as the elf’s eyes darted to his other features, watching for some sign of an attack, of further aggression. His palms were flat on the table, however, fully visible, easily able to watch. His staff was still across the room in the doorway where he left it. When Fenris’s eyes returned to Hawke’s face, he could see the glisten of tears forming but Hawke kept his gaze focused - blurry vision couldn’t really impact him much, could it?

“My brother is gone. I failed him. Just like I failed Bethany. And I failed my mother too, because I couldn’t even bring her youngest home. The only one she gets back is the problem child. The messed up one, who a Circle would likely never let live, but seems to survive everything he shouldn’t. Cause whoever’s in charge of things, be it the Maker or otherwise, someone’s got a fucked up sense of humor. Good night.”

And with that he turned and left, not even hiding that he had to poke the three staves against the doorway to pick out which was his before grabbing it and heading downstairs. The watched him go and silence reigned. A heavy feeling settled over the room and if Hawke hadn’t just walked out, Fenris would have left himself. Now he didn’t quite want to since he wanted no implication of following the mage.

No one seemed really up for leaving just yet, and Fenris kicked his seat back up, sitting down in it heavily once he did and leaning on the table. It didn’t help that doing so reminded him of his last conversation with Hawke before all of this - of their stupid messing around with the chairs. He had seemed an easy person to get along with then, and now? He almost wished someone would break the silence with a dumb joke, but the one that usually did that had just stormed out. The others who would - well, Varric was still quietly sitting with his drink, probably waiting to see if the tide turned his direction. And Isabela? Well…

Isabela sat exactly where she’d been sitting for the past several minutes with a perplexed look on her face. He almost wondered if she was too baffled by what was happening to be upset. After a while, she noticed people were finally paying attention to her and shook it off.

“Shit.” she mumbled and turned to Merrill, “I guess I owe you a sovereign now. I thought he was hiding an illness.”

The Dalish mage folded her hands on the table and gave a knowing nod, “There was nothing in his blood.” she closed her eyes and gave yet another. “Besides, Anders would have said if he was.”

“Not if I wanted to win.” Anders pointed out dryly, though he seemed to be more just resigned and sour at this point, taking a coin from his purse to toss at Merrill as well.

Aveline, who seemed to have the most sensible attitude towards this, glared down the table at Varric. “Don’t think you’re off the hook just yet, Varric. You knew how dangerous this was, just as much as Hawke did.”

“Honestly, Aveline, I am way more surprised you haven’t threatened to throw me at this point.” Varric commented. “The fact you only yelled as much as you did makes me think you already knew.”

“Not entirely.” the redhead’s fist clenched and unclenched in front of her. “He told me before that he was hiding something and it wasn’t safe to say. I can see why but that doesn’t make it any less wrong or dangerous.”

Isabela huffed a bit, “Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m going to have another drink and go back to doing something fun. If you want to keep moping about whether or not we’ve managed to have our asses saved repeatedly by someone who doesn’t know what those asses look like, that’s on you.” And with that she stood and sauntered right downstairs.

It wasn’t that easy, that was for damn sure. While she was right, that Hawke’s accomplishments weren’t necessarily diminished by his revelation - in some lights, they might even be increased by that - but right now everything was tainted. Fenris needed some time to process and sort out where his feelings lay on the matter. Standing up, he left his chair for the last time that night, heading for the mansion in Hightown.

When he’d come in here, he’d missed Hawke and been glad for his arrival but now…he wished the man had never showed up to play with them that night.


	9. Repairing the Damage Done

It would have been easy to lock himself in his room and not come out again. Easy to just let severed friendships just lie where they were and mourn the loss rather than working to repair them. And honestly, Aeyin had highly considered trying - one year of friendship compared to twenty-fiveish of only ever associating with his family, it’d be easy to just go back to ‘normal’ wouldn’t it? The thought was sickening but it was certainly do-able.

Thankfully, his friends were persistent fuckers, even when angry with him - and Maker, some weren’t even that. Varric had stopped by the morning after their card game to ask how he was doing and comment on who had been taking bets about his health. It’d only done so much to make Aeyin feel better at the time, but when he’d cooled down more, it was a nice thought. The fact Merrill had managed to win also was nice - she tended to fumble through a lot of gambling and deserved to win for a change.

The first of the others to actually stop by and visit was Aveline. The guard captain had been easily invited inside by his mother and come straight upstairs to stand in the doorway of Aeyin’s bedroom to stare at him with her arms crossed over her chest. Well, he assumed they were crossed over her chest - they’d vanished from her outline at about chest-height anyway.

“Are you feeling alright, Hawke?” her tone was stiff but honestly, that was pretty typical Aveline. Made it sound like she was just annoyed he’d been helping in slightly illegal matters again. He’d only managed to laugh weakly at her question, but that seemed good enough for the woman and she was on her way back to her duties again.

Anders had been the next to drop in. He’d been slightly more chatty than Aveline, looking Aeyin over as he sat nearby. Leandra had been slightly wary of letting him in, as evidenced by her hovering in the doorway for most of the visit, but Hawke let himself be fussed over just the same. After all, Anders was a healer and that was just one of the ways he dealt with people now wasn’t it?

“Just don’t wallow too long, alright?” Anders cupped Aeyin’s chin, using it to turn his head - likely so Anders could look him in the eye, even if that was sort of moot. His voice was serious, however, so laughing over the motion was a bad idea. “Wallowing isn’t safe for a mage. Too much chance of attracting demons.”

“Alright alright. Get back to your clinic, you have actual patients to fuss over.” Aeyin nudged Anders away, shooing him a bit towards the door.

In the doorway, the mage had turned back to him, tone slightly more curious this time. “What do I even look like with your Perception? You said ‘whatever I had going on’ when you described it.”

He debated how much Anders actually wanted that answer. “You look like a weird bird. Your outline’s fluffy at the shoulders and you’ve got a beaky nose.” There was probably a scrunched up expression to accompany the disgruntled huff Anders gave him before departing, but the noise was enough to amuse Aeyin on its own.

Merril’s visit had been the most normal, really. She’d just stopped by and asked if he wanted to come to her house for lunch the next day, or soon, then went back about her business. In contrast, Isabela made the most dramatic entrance by breaking in the upstairs window and going through Aeyin’s trunk before he came into the room to find her.

All of their responses had been what he’d consider typical of the group. And really, Fenris’s was just as typical - he hadn’t visited, or given any indication of an intent to do so. If things were going to get back to normal and patched up between them, Aeyin was going to have to go see the elf. He rather hoped that Fenris hadn’t taken off and left them when he’d found out the truth - but then again, he didn’t blame him if he did. His trust was hard won and it would be difficult to get it back.

The semi-abandoned mansion was as musty smelling as usual the night the mage dared visit. He was never sure what kind of atmosphere the place had, and tonight was no different. Were the shaped sconces on the wall lit or not? What was the deal with the floor losing weird shapes in spots where it lost a layer? Considering the house’s state was so much easier to focus on than walking in to deal with the potentially hostile occupant.

“Hawke.” Fenris’s stilted tone came from the top of the stairs, and his markings flared a little in warning - that really only served to give Aeyin a better idea of where he was standing and his stance. One hand on the bannister, tensed posture, fidgeting a little, not quite as hostile as his voice pretended.

Rather than head up the stairs, the mage took a few strides forward so he was standing directly beneath the landing Fenris was perched on, ample height making it not quite a huge deal to look up at the elf from there. The whole time Aeyin was watching carefully how Fenris moved as he got closer, how tensed more but didn’t recoil. He didn’t want to push this too much, but he did want to give up just yet either.

“Hey.” Aeyin leaned his arms on the landing in front of him and stretched forward to rest against it and look up at Fenris.

The elf had a power over his moods that he may never know, and just being near him, seeing every little twitch and shift in the edges of his frame could so easily drag Hawke from nervous to at ease, even when there was no intent for that. Probably because it tended to make him feel like he wasn’t the most nervous person in the room.

“Do you have a few to talk?” he continued on when the greeting didn’t seem to prompt more conversation.

Fenris shifted from foot to foot, twitching a bit and slowly his head bobbed up and down a little. Then he suddenly paused, as if struck by something, shoulders tensing. “You…cannot actually see that, can you?”

“That depends. Were you nodding?”

Just like that, Fenris’s shoulders eased once more and he nodded again. “I was.” He sounded a little surprised.

“Your head moves when you nod. I can’t always tell with most people from this angle because it’s a slight motion up and down in their outline but your hair bounces when you do it so that helps.” Aeyin chuckled and moved away from his position below the landing, finally taking the stairs up.

His companion stalked ahead of him into his usual study, and Aeyin followed. Fenris didn’t take a seat but motioned to Hawke’s usual one, stopping himself in the middle of the gesture once more. Aeyin took the initiative and sat down anyway, returning his hand to his chin, this time an elbow on his knee.

“You are always leaning on things - why?” The question sounded so frustrated, but it was a nonsense one. It seemed Fenris wanted to do anything in the world to draw the conversation away from awkward questions he wasn’t ready for.

“I like to think I look far less threatening when I lounge.” the cheeky grin was far too easy to show, “Not that I look particularly threatening anyway, but it’s an important precaution.”

Fenris snorted, “I somehow don’t think that it works that way.” he fidgeted a bit, his shoulders still tense, but finally came to sit down across from Aeyin rather than pacing.

Leaning forward as he was, the man was well aware he was in Fenris’s space a bit, but the elf had chosen to sit anyway. It was just part of how they socialized - sometimes a little near, sometimes a little far. Always a dance of who was comfortable where.

“So.” Aeyin dared enough to suggest, giving a coy grin “Do you have questions or would you like to hit me instead? Either is an acceptable response, given what you know.”

It seemed the elf was considering his answer, his posture shifting all over as he squirmed in his seat and fiddled with the pointed accents on his gloves. “I…I believe hitting you at this point would serve no purpose.”

“Probably not, my face might be one of my only tolerable features. Or so I’m told anyway.” the mage bounced his brows playfully in the hopes of easing Fenris’s worries. “If it’d make you feel better, you can anyway though.”

It seemed the talk of tolerable features spurred a proper question to form. “Why did you bother calling me handsome? That was an unnecessary lie.”

“Who said anything about it being a lie?” a deep chuckle left Aeyin’s lips and he couldn’t help that his voice had dropped a little. “I may not be able to see everything, but you present quite the striking profile.” he sat back and waved it off, lest the flirting make Fenris uncomfortable. “Besides, I honestly have a better idea of your physique than most - the lyrium fills in a lot of details I wouldn’t get from most people’s outlines.”

That got a small, but bit bitter laugh from Fenris. “You did specify you could see that rather clearly.” His lyrium was a touchy subject, after all.

“If it helps, at this point I don’t need the glow to tell it’s you.” Aeyin relaxed his posture again and look in Fenris’s direction fondly, eyes dropping to half-lidded. He could make out every little twitch of form, every bounce of spiked hair and while not every meaning could be clear, he certainly could pick up the common ones. “You have very distinct ways of moving and dressing that make you easy to pick out of a crowd.”

“I don’t know if that’s comforting or unnerving.” the elf turned his face away once more after he spoke, the shape of his nose outlined in the dark. “I…I am not sure how to handle any of this.” It was a rather telling admission on his part.

Aeyin looked distantly towards a corner of the room, too far out for his Perception to reach. “None of us do. I certainly don’t. I’ve spent most of my life avoiding getting too involved with people so this never had to come up.”

It seemed like that caught Fenris’s attention again, or at least some form of consideration. Once more, he faced Aeyin, his features disappearing. “You have to realize how dangerous this makes you.” It was far less of an accusation than it could have been.

“That I can’t tell Aveline from most regular fighters in combat? That I literally have no idea if I’m hitting an enemy or a civilian if I cast anything outside of close range? That my Perception can blink out if I’m emotionally compromised and leave me in the middle of an area completely unable to trace anything or anyone that isn’t marked with magic? Nope, no idea, never thought about it.”

His facetious response brought a growl to Fenris’s lips, “How easy would it be for demons to-”

The concern was nice, but Aeyin’s gaze narrowed and he looked straight at the elf’s face, shoulders hunching in his annoyance, “As easy as it bloody would be anyway! Maker, I could argue I’m less susceptible to demons than you are! Given I can actually tell when they’re using magic to try and twist things. Can you?” there was no hiding the bite to his words, the slight irritation. Of all the things to latch onto, that? That was the least of his problems.

Fenris recoiled a little, as if struck. “I apologize.” his tone had softened, but his stance still wary, “I have never encountered a mage in your situation before and I-”

“Fenris, its…don’t. Just don’t. Seriously, you’re fine.” Aeyin lowered his voice, waving off the comments and apologies, “Trust me, I go over this stuff in my head way more often than it seems. And before you ask, yes, I have considered turning myself into the Templars more than once to just let the Chantry deal with me and be done with it. Let’s just say I’m a bit too selfish or attached to living for that. Whichever’s easier.” he smirked at the end of his words to make it more plain he was taking a playful route with the meaning. This was meant to be just a talk to get things settled again, he didn’t need to go getting huffy over stupid things.

A shiver passed over the edges of Fenris’s features, “No I imagine not.” a breathy chuckle left his lips, not a full laugh and not with the usual humor of their discussions, but it was an attempt.

To ease things once more, the mage let his attention shift to that little breathy laugh, “I love it when you laugh, did you know that?”

Pointed ears perked at the words and Fenris looked away again, swiftly. “I had an inkling, yes.” There was a strain in his voice still, but he sounded like he was amused. Then those ears twitched somewhat, as if he was thinking of something. “Does-does - kaffas, I don’t know how to ask if that means anything in particular!” Immediately his ears pulled back, annoyed, and it only got worse when Aeyin laughed. “It isn’t funny, Hawke.”

“Yes it is. You’re getting all awkward asking me if me liking your voice has any significance.” the mage doubled over laughing, his companion smacking his arm in a half-hearted attempt to stop it, but that just knocked Aeyin to the floor and had him laughing there. “We are literally the worst at this.”

By now, Fenris was chuckling as well, “You are hopeless, Hawke.”

“Not my fault. I am useless at flirting and you knew that.” Aeyin sat back up and shook his head, smiling up at Fenris. “Yes, you have a gorgeous voice. And yes that is more noticeable for me because I relate well to people based on how they sound. Being friends with very chatty people like Varric has more than one use.” he leaned his chin in his hand and just smiled up at Fenris, gaze half-lidded once more.

The elf sighed, reaching out to offer Aeyin a hand up. “I am still not sure of this. And I’m still upset with your deception but…Thank you for visiting.”

Taking the offered hand, the mage pulled himself up the rest of the way and stood properly. “Hey, it’s progress. You’ve got all the time in the world to work out how you feel. I’ll let you get back to whatever you were up to for now.”

Fenris faced towards one side of the room then the other and then back up at Aeyin, “Truly, I am a fine example of a productive member of society.” the deadpan joke was more easy than they’d been for a bit, and the touch of their hands from Fenris helping him up lingered for a moment before both awkwardly shifted away.

“Anyway, yeah. I’m going to go.” Aeyin was blushing again. He didn’t know how to handle the awkward mix of affection and distrust between them right then, and Fenris didn’t seem to either.

It was probably going to be messed up for a while, with all of them. The group had come to check on him to reassert ties, but the real work would have to start when they got back to travelling and back to business - if that even happened. It was a lot to mull over, and Aeyin wasn’t sure how it was going to work, but all things would come in time. For now, at least, things weren’t completely irreparable, and that was a start.


	10. Troubling Mages

“Don’t come running to me next time you pick up one of these diseases.” Anders was trying to sound playful, but he could already see Isabela wasn’t taking it that way.

“Isn’t that the point of magic?” her dirty look and that tone really made him want to give her another serious lecture about the problems mages faced. They weren’t just here for everyone’s beck and call.

Hawke, who had just entered, seemed more capable of easing her, “He’s just being a jerk, Bells. I’m sure half of the Orlesian court has worse.” He leaned forward to pull the pirate up for a brief hug. “Hope it stays cleared up for you.”

“Thank you, Hawke. At least some people can be sweet about things.” This time, the look she shot back at Anders was much more pleasant and teasing. But then, Hawke did have a way of putting everyone in a good mood.

Aeyin wandered closer to Anders with a warm smile on his features, and it hurt how weak in the knees that smile could make him - both for reasons of longing, and because of that furious twinge at the back of his mind that he didn’t have time for idle fancies. Should any mage be able to smile so easily when there was such suffering?

“Things just keep getting worse.” he commented to Hawke, even as Aeyin linked arms with him to walk Anders out of the main clinic and more towards his living quarters. “I had templars practically on my doorstep the other night.”

This seemed to jolt Aeyin a bit and he stopped to stare at Anders with wide-eyed concern. The mention of Templars tended to spook most mages, but Hawke always seemed especially bothered by it. Possibly due to his magical blindness and the fear of it being discovered, but Anders had never had the curiosity to ask about it.

“The Templars are hunting you?” Hawke definitely sounded concerned and it wasn’t hard to feel like a jerk for that.

“Not me specifically. They were just…checking the refugee camps. But it’s not like this place is a secret. It’s only a matter of time.” Anders tried to backpedal out of sounding quite that bad, if just to spare Hawke’s feelings - he hated worrying the man. But the gnawing voice in his mind that wasn’t quite a separate entity pointed out that it was that bad and the Templars certainly wouldn’t be sparing Hawke’s feelings.

Letting out a sigh of relief that was probably not warranted, Aeyin ruffled Ander’s messy hair, already falling out of its ponytail, and heading into the shabby apartment proper. At least he never complained about the quality of the place or how a mess it was - so long as he could navigate through it magically, he didn’t seem to care.

“That definitely makes me feel less like a jerk for coming over to fix you dinner then. I didn’t bring enough to feed the Templars too.” Hawke bounced his brows and got to using a bit of magic to get the oven going. At least he had had the sense to bring things to cook with along - because Anders certainly never had the time to clean dishes.

The blonde chuckled, undoing his ponytail to tug it back into place. “Hawke, you have far too much charm for someone in your position.”

The Chantry would have him killed or made Tranquil for his magical blindness, whether or not he had any position in helping the Mage Underground. That thought was sickening, really. Both for its horror as a person who cared about Hawke…and for how wrong it was. Things like that, they ignited his anger in the worst ways, sent a twinge right through his soul and woke the part of him that had once been his friend and was now a twisted odd part of his being.

Hawke’s shoulders tensed instantly, “Hello to you too…” he breathed the words but the chill to them and his posture is all that helped Anders regain himself. Sometimes Hawke seemed to know when his grip was slipping even before he did, and that was kind of scary to think about.

“What did you drop by for? It can’t have just been to make me dinner. I told you before, the party after the first letter back from Carver more than counted for that five-course meal you promised me in the Deep Roads.” Anders shifted uneasily and leaned against the doorway.

He hated this. Hawke was someone so dear to him, someone he worried about greatly and ached to think of anything happening to him, but it was clear his presence was off-putting in ways that didn’t always make sense. How much magic he could see, what it looked like, how it affected him, there was so much Aeyin was keeping bottled up and neither of them were emotionally stable enough for this. That was the truth of the matter. But Anders did dearly love his company, loved the easy smile, the feeling like somebody cared about him beyond work related matters.

Hawke kept his attention on the stove, trying to ease once more and get back to cooking - how did he manage it so well without being able to see? Probably something in his magic. He was quiet about it for a minute, probably thinking of his answer, before he tossed a piece of bread Anders’ way. The healer had to think fast to catch it and shoved it into his mouth soon after. Eating off the ground in Darktown was…not a good idea. Definitely not sanitary.

“I worry about you, what can I say?” Aeyin shrugged, “We haven’t talked much recently. How have you been?”

“Good. I just love what Knight Commander Meredith’s done with the place.” it was times like this, just palling around with Hawke, that Anders remembered his old sense of humor and what parts of his personality had truly been his own. He couldn’t help still being focused on other matters, but remembering how to joke once in a while was still a pleasant change. Small graces.

A light chuckle left his friend, Hawke shrugging again but his smile had that resigned sort of way to it. “Oh I’m sure it’s lovely. Who doesn’t love fearing for the lives of themselves and all they love? And that’s just for the apostates.”

Whether he’d meant to or not - he was never sure - the mirth dropped from Anders’ tone again, “The curfews. The midnight raids on mages’ families. Everyone I know forced into hiding so they won’t be made Tranquil.”

Hawke shuddered at the word Tranquil, it was one of those things that set him off, but he reached out and pat Anders’ arm soothingly. “Is that making it harder for you? With Justice?” He tried so hard to be sympathetic about things.

It was hard to admit these things to anyone else, “In the Fade, there is no ‘time’. Emotion rules everything. Justice doesn’t know how to sit idle till the right moment to strike.” he looked down, pained by the feelings inside and the way he felt so unworthy of the attention on him all of the sudden, “And I can’t say I have any greater patience. I fear what my anger has made of my friend.”

Aeyin nodded, “It doesn’t help that there isn’t a specific right moment for anything.” he drew his hand away, back to his cooking, not looking up even if his expression did sober. “You chose to merge with him - only you can make it work. You know that, right?”

“I am trying.” Anders gave Hawke a dirty look there. He knew Aeyin hadn’t meant it like that but that was hard to keep in mind when his emotions had so much more power now. “I have not attacked the Templars openly. I’ve helped the mages here as best I can. But this impasse cannot last.”

Aeyin nodded, glancing at him now and then, despite how it probably didn’t actually do him much good. As far as Anders understood it, his Perception was about the same facing directly at something or looking at it peripherally - it was all based on his magic rather than line of sight so would never fully make sense by vision rules. He probably kept up the looks purely for social custom reasons. It wasn’t comforting to think of. He was a good person, and that was the worst, wasn’t it?

“Just being with me puts you at risk. The knight commander has declared supporting apostates a hanging offense. The thought of them hurting you…” already Anders could see Hawke reaching out to put a supportive hand on his shoulder, but he was too far into this tangent to stop himself, “Everything I’ve done to control this…I don’t care. I would drown us in blood to keep you safe.”

Immediately it was clear that was the absolute wrong thing to say. The hand that had almost come to rest on his shoulder was drawn back in a moment and Aeyin dropped the spoon he’d been using to stir whatever he was making against the pot. His eyes were wide and he stepped back and away.

“What? Anders - what in the flames-?! That’s - that isn’t how this works! Don’t say such things to me. Please!” he was looking at Anders with the same kind of terror he stared at Templars or Tranquil with. That same kind of almost-sick paleness to his face.

But it wasn’t something he could just take back or stop his passion now it was on a roll, “One day everyone in Kirkwall will have to choose a side. This is your fight too! One day, the world must see us as people, not just mages.”

Aeyin put up a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose and turned back to the fire he was dealing with, picking up the spoon again and just going back to cooking. There was a tremor to his features that broke Anders’ heart to see, but he couldn’t hold back things that he felt anymore, not as easily.

Silence dragged for a few moments before Hawke finally spoke again, “I understand where you’re coming from.” he finally spoke, voice heavy and breathless, “And what you’re fighting for. But I don’t want you or anyone else drowning themselves in blood for my safety. That is the objection I made and I stand by it.”

“Then you care so little for the plight of mages-” Anders suggested, his gaze turning away, though he could feel that wasn’t true. He just wanted Hawke to say it. Of all the selfish things he could want in the world, at least let him have that.

“The plight of mages has nothing to do with it. If you wish that for anyone else in the world, that is between you and them. But not me.” he shook his head and went back to his cooking.

Anders walked into another room of his shabby apartment, cleaning up the area at least a little so they could sit down for a meal. It was something to do at least, something that wasn’t feeling the oppressive silence or remembering what it felt like to have someone he cared for look at him like he’d just stabbed them.

After a little, Aeyin came into the room with bowls of food. “See Anders, this is why we’d never work as a couple.” the phrase caught his attention, but immediately that smile gave away this was a leadup to a joke. “I just don’t think I could get used to a guy who keeps his house as messy as you. I need to be able to walk, you know.”

“Ha ha.” he gave a fake laugh, making it extra dry and obvious since Hawke couldn’t see the eyeroll, “That’s nonsense and you know it. I’ve seen how you flirt with Fenris and his house is falling apart. At least I’m just in a sewer not a mansion.”

“That is not making a better case for you. I will admit, you’ve got an equally nice nose as he has.” Aeyin reached out and poked him right in the bridge of his nose, “But I’m afraid I will never be able to love the fluffy pauldrons quite the way I love the spikey ones.”

Anders made a faux gagging sound, “I’m going to throw up and I haven’t even eaten yet. Just keep reminding me how much more you like that guy who isn’t me that I actively dislike, thanks Hawke.” Really, it didn’t hurt so much, not this. He could tolerate Hawke liking someone else, and trusting him enough to talk about it was something, that was for sure.

“His quips in battle are better too.” Aeyin suggested this one before taking a bite of his food, the sly smirk on his features just too cute to hate.

“Hey! My quips are perfectly fine!” Anders stabbed his spoon in Hawke’s general direction before using it to actually take a bite of the meal while it was still warm. Eating was an important part of being a healer - and a revolutionary - that he often forgot. Fade spirits might be able to sustain themselves on less, but he certainly couldn’t.

Hawke finished his bite of food and made a dramatic gesture, “I’ll show you why mages are feared!” he flailed a little and nearly fell out of his seat. “Never taunt a mage!”

Anders laughed and reached out to push Hawke in the chest a bit, “Stoppit, your impression of me is terrible.”

“Ooh or what about ‘suck on a fireball’, that one’s one of my favorites.” Aeyin just barely kept from falling out of his seat laughing, leaning heavily on the table.

“Hey! It’s better than Isabela shouting ‘Somebody needs a spanking!’ at a dragonling that one time.” Anders’ mood was improving some and he tried to eat quickly to stifle it. This, of course, mostly resulted in him choking at the expression on Hawke’s face at that line.

“Oh Maker, I don’t even know what she thought she was doing! Like, who threatens a dragon with a spanking? Is it a kinky dragon? Is it because it was a dragonling and she thought like ‘oh its a baby, spank it like a child’, what even?”

“This is Isabela, for all we know, she was talking about herself needing one.” Anders managed to suggest that comment just dryly enough to send Hawke back into rollicks.

“Oh, oh Andraste’s-” Hawke couldn’t even finish the surely blasphemous analogy, laughing into his arm and leaning on the table.

“You can’t even blaspheme properly, Hawke what are we going to do with you?”

Once he’d calmed down enough to speak, Aeyin wiped tears away from his face and shook his head, “See, this is what I get for agreeing to help out a Chantry brother. First it’s being unable to think of something properly scandalous to exclaim about Andraste, next it’ll be carrying around a staff with her naked on it, just like my father used to.”

This got a strange look from Anders, “Your father had a statue of Andraste naked? I mean, I know she’s good looking, but really!”

“Okay I don’t think he was quite done carving it or it was meant to quite look that way, but I thought it, Bethany thought it, Carver thought it, Mother certainly thought it. It was a carving of her with her head back, arms thrown behind her, and her chest sticking out and I just looked at it one day, looked at him, and said ‘Father, no offense, but you didn’t even give her nipples.’ Either be accurate in your weird nude blasphemy or put a damn dress on her.”

Anders was laughing again now, just trying to picture this staff, “And what did he say?”

Aeyin snorted, “He was on his death bed, so not much, but he did motion for me to get closer and then just looked at me seriously and said ‘son if you can figure out how to add nipples to that staff, you go right ahead.”

“You are most certainly lying. How could you have seen if she was naked or not?” Anders jutted his spoon threateningly in Hawke’s direction.

“I did say it was a staff, didn’t I? You think I didn’t try casting with my father’s staff once and then have to ask awkward questions about it? I think that’s half the reason he did it - you cast a fire spell and it suddenly looked like you were burning up Andraste.” Hawke finished speaking, then drank the last of his soup up and wiped his mouth.

No further argument left on the subject, Anders finished his meal before a nagging feeling at the back of him - mostly from Justice - dragged him back around to another thing Hawke had mentioned. “What’s all this about a Chantry brother? Don’t tell me you’re getting involved in anything-”

“No. It’s nothing like that.” Aeyin put up a hand quickly. “We need to just go investigate the home of some odd nobles who ordered the death of an entire royal family of another city, servants and all, from my understanding. Weird nonsense, but we took out the mercs that did the deed a few years ago, and I happened to be in the right place at the right time to be asked to help so yeah…”

Anders sobered again, staring at Hawke, “That…sounds pretty bad. Should I go with you?” Doing a little good for some people and getting out of Darktown would probably do him some good.

“Sure, if you’re up for it. Just don’t go getting in too many fights with him or Aveline while we’re doing this.” Aeyin stood, taking the now empty bowls from the table and heading to clean them up. “And start actually cleaning your dishes, would you? Seriously Anders, this isn’t healthy.”

Really, how did Anders have friends like this in his life? What had he ever done to deserve this.


End file.
